A Way to Confirm Your Husband’s True Feelings - Chapter 19
The cost of expressing her feelings honestly had been a brutal judgment from her husband. She could still hear Caesar’s voice as he answered Sir Schultz, and because of that memory, Beatrice could no longer be honest like she once was.
So now, all Beatrice could do was wait and observe Caesar’s reaction—doing everything she could not to come across as “bothersome” or “tiresome.”
That’s right. I should stop talking only about myself. It’s time I start listening to Caesar instead.
“…Is there something you wanted to say?”
With a hint of self-reflection, Beatrice smiled again as if nothing were wrong. She hadn’t meant to develop such a deceptive way of speaking just to hide her feelings from her husband, and the thought left a bitter taste in her mouth.
“…No.”
But watching Caesar open his mouth several times, only to give up quickly each time, Beatrice felt a growing sense of disappointment.
“Actually… I only realized it after coming to the capital, but… I think I was a bit too excited about leading a new lifestyle in the territory. I’m sorry if I acted too familiarly all this time. From now on, I’ll try to act more composed, like a proper Margravine.”
She spoke impulsively, hoping to provoke some kind of reaction from him. Any response—agreement, disapproval, anything—would have been enough.
“Beatrice, I…”
Yes. Even if he told her that he disliked her childish ways, or that he preferred a more serious version of her—if only he’d tell her what he wanted…
But after a long pause, the answer Caesar finally gave was, once again, nothing but disappointment.
“It doesn’t matter to me what kind of person you are.”
Seeing her husband speak in that dim tone, Beatrice felt for the first time in their marriage that she couldn’t breathe.
Outwardly, she finished the meal pretending nothing had changed, but inside, her thoughts were in turmoil. Afterward, she returned to her drawing room alone.
Only when she was truly by herself did Beatrice let out a long sigh of frustration.
Caesar’s reaction had hurt her far more than she’d expected. Everything that had happened over the past week—all because of that one moment—felt sad and unbearable.
She had clearly expressed her intentions. She had declared that she would act differently, that she would no longer show him affection so freely or cling to him the way she used to.
And yet all Caesar had to say was, “Do as you please.”
To not express any opinion about her behavior—didn’t that mean nothing she did had any real impact on him? Which, in the end…
…means he has no interest in me at all, doesn’t it?
The more she thought about it, the more baffled and bitter she felt. At this rate, if she were to announce she was going to have an affair, Caesar would probably say, “If that’s what you want.”
Had it all been a delusion? That he might have held even the smallest affection for her?
Had the veil that had blinded her only finally been lifted when she overheard that conversation a week ago?
But then, what about their joyful days in the territory? Had even their sweet newlywed bliss all been an illusion?
Beatrice grew more confused. She had never experienced such emotional turmoil before, and it was overwhelming. Ever since her trust was shaken, she felt like a reed trembling in the wind.
Where did it all go wrong? Even if she had lived a carefree life, she wasn’t foolish enough not to sense when someone held no affection for her. Or so she thought.
Beatrice began retracing the beginning of their relationship, wondering if there was something she had missed. She didn’t have to look far—it was not so long ago.
***
Their second meeting had taken place a fortnight after the New Year’s banquet, at a dinner party hosted by the Marquis of Hoyos.
As before, Beatrice had attended with Freya. Her other three sisters rarely showed their faces at parties unless strictly obligated to, so their absence wasn’t unusual.
When she responded to the Marquis’s invitation, Beatrice had not expected Margrave Valentin to be in attendance.
Caesar, likely still unfamiliar with the ways of high society, must have confirmed his attendance later—and he was accompanied by his new lord and political sponsor, Crown Prince Edgar. Since Edgar was speaking with Freya, Beatrice naturally had the chance to greet the two men.
At the time, she had felt thankful once again for her good fortune. And if luck stayed on her side, maybe she could encounter Margrave Valentin two or three more times during the season.
