Come and Cry at My Funeral - Chapter 133
New worries
The color gradually drained from Freesia’s face.
‘If I conceive a child, I would need to carry it for nine more months. Unless I give birth prematurely…’
With her current lifespan, it wouldn’t be enough to carry a healthy baby. Even if she managed to give birth, she would have already passed away.
‘In the worst case, I might die while still carrying the baby.’
Her body grew colder with the horrifying thought.
Noticing her pale complexion, the maids who were wiping her body exchanged worried glances and cautiously asked.
“Madam, are you okay? Shall we bring your meal quickly?”
“Ah… yes.”
Even dressing herself in clean clothes was too difficult—she needed help from others. Therefore, having her meal elsewhere was out of the question.
In this bedroom, where the original owner was nowhere to be found, Freesia was alone.
As the maids left to fetch her meal, she grabbed the sleeve of one.
“Thea, wait. You stay here.”
“Oh, yes!”
Thea’s eyes sparkled as she stuck close to her.
She looked ecstatic, as if thrilled that her mistress had finally settled down and her future now seemed bright.
But that face quickly filled with confusion at Freesia’s command.
“Thea, you need to get some wild carrot seeds.”
“Huh? What are you going to use them for?”
“…To make some lotion.”
Freesia rolled up her sleeve, pretending to hide her embarrassment. Faint purple bruises were scattered along the delicate skin on the inside of her wrist.
“My body is like this.”
“Oh, goodness, yes.”
Thea stammered, her face turning bright red. She had seen it in the bathroom earlier, but it was still shocking.
‘No one in the estate could have expected this, right?’
Who would have imagined that their madam, who went to the office in broad daylight, would be dragged straight to the bedroom?
The maids, who had placed the meal at the door and fled at that time, had faces as red as cherries.
The sounds escaping through the crack in the door were so sensual and wet that they felt as if their ears might burn off.
The sight of the soiled sheets and torn dress clearly showed how wild the consummation had been the night before.
Anyway, with this, the ‘illegitimate lady of the Antares Dukedom’ had become Izar’s true wife.
Until now, she had been forbidden from participating in family affairs, such as managing the estate, but everything was about to change.
This also meant there was no longer any need to be frugal to avoid public attention.
“Oh, you can now comfortably use better things! Wouldn’t it be better to get some scented oil?”
“No. I got scolded by the Duke for using scented oil before.”
“Oh, I see. I’ll go quickly then, Madam!”
Freesia subtly turned her head away from the overly enthusiastic Thea.
‘Did I deceive her well enough?’
Unexpectedly knowing what to use for contraception, Freesia had learned about such remedies.
It was knowledge picked up while eavesdropping on women’s conversations or choosing herbs for the sheep during her shepherding days.
‘The most common ones are blue cohosh, mugwort, or pennyroyal… I heard.’
Pennyroyal was said to be the most effective, but she was hesitant to use it.
‘I’ve heard stories of women who died from taking it wrong.’
Hemoptysis, severe stomach pain, fainting… The side effects were varied, and if a woman with a weak body took it incorrectly, she could die instantly.
‘Even though I’m already on a limited lifespan, there’s no need to shorten it any further. I don’t want to die painfully.’
The herbs she had initially thought of were well-known for contraception, making it risky to ask Thea for them. If there was something people were less familiar with…
‘Maybe wild carrot seeds.’
They were often used for beauty purposes, so even if her true intentions were discovered, it would be easy to hide them.
However, when Thea returned from the dining room garden with a bulging cloth pouch, Freesia was at a loss for words.
Why did she feel like she was seeing an animal being slaughtered for the first time?
“Madam, I brought them! Should I ask the chef to press the oil out right away?”
“…”
“Madam?”
“…Ah. Just give them to me for now.”
Freesia replied reluctantly, extending her hand.
‘They say it’s not easy to get pregnant… my cycles aren’t even regular.’
But wasn’t it reasonable to be cautious? After all, they said the spirit of her briar baby was already in the arms of God.
‘But what if there is a possibility of having another child?’
Her fingers, touching the cloth pouch, grew cold.
A child.
There was a time when she desperately clung to the idea of having a child, yearning to be loved in the duchy. Pathetically, for her survival and the recognition of others.
But now? What if she would conceive a child?
‘…I just want to see their face.’
To see how much they resembled her, and how much they resembled Izar.
Eyes, nose, mouth. She wanted to touch all their tiny fingers and toes and know them.
Even if it were a daughter, she would be recognized as a child of the ducal house and live a life without lack.
‘Most importantly, she wouldn’t be beaten like I was.’
She wouldn’t have hands calloused from picking fruit, nor shiver from chills in worn-out clothes. She would have time to play by the stream with her feet in the water.
Freesia’s heart began to beat faster at the thought.
‘If I could have a child before I die.’
She could give them the life she never had.
