Come and Cry at My Funeral - Chapter 192
Freesia flinched at his anguished cry.
“Where’s the woman who said she wanted to visit the academy after the hunting festival? Do you remember telling me you wanted Alpheratz to escort you there?”
“……”
“And when we returned to the estate, you said you wanted to pray for our child together. Do you remember that?”
His golden eyes, shadowed beneath pale lashes, had darkened. Freesia herself recalled those words, uttered before she regained her old memories.
Back when she was foolish enough to believe in using her remaining time gratefully and meaningfully.
Now, those words no longer stirred anything in her.
“I don’t need any of that anymore.”
“Hah…”
“And I didn’t lie about my lifespan.”
Freesia felt assured when she saw Izar bow his head. Indeed, lying about the end of her limited lifespan had been her greatest move.
Though she hadn’t expected Izar to notice so quickly, seeing him drown in despair a little earlier was satisfying.
Yet he still hadn’t completely broken.
When he raised his head again, he was smiling. In the shadows cast by the moonlight, his expression looked distorted, almost grotesque.
“Truly… His Majesty was absolutely right about you, Your Highness.”
“……”
Izar now occasionally addressed Freesia with formal honorifics. But his tone, laced with sarcasm, made it sound unbearably condescending.
“Speaking falsehoods with such perfect composure, you would have been a remarkable figure in the imperial palace—if not for my parents.”
“You’re right.”
Freesia responded with a careless smile.
Unfortunately for him, the time when his harsh words could leave her unilaterally wounded had long passed.
“If not for your parents, I would have grown up as an imperial descendant with both my mother and father. I would have been admired as an imperial princess hailing from another empire from my first marriage.”
“……”
“I wouldn’t have endured beatings or suffered alone while you turned your back.”
For a long moment, Izar and Freesia stared silently at one another. Their gazes were intense and icy, wholly inappropriate for a couple who had just confirmed they were expecting a child.
As Izar brushed past Freesia, he muttered coldly.
“…Take some rest.”
Freesia silently watched his retreating back. To be honest, she was a little surprised when he raised his voice earlier.
〈 And yet, how could you lie to me about your own lifespan…! 〉
It wasn’t that she was particularly afraid of him yelling at her. Life had been far too unforgiving for such trivial fears.
‘It’s just that old memories surfaced without warning.’
〈 You dare threaten me with your life. Right in front of my eyes…! 〉
She recalled how her ‘husband’ had berated her in a similar manner after her first suicide attempt failed.
‘At the time, I thought he was angry because a woman was trying to die disgracefully after losing her child.’
She had dismissed his twisted expression as mere rage.
But now, seeing the same expression on his face, an absurd thought crept into her mind. Back then, his face might not have been purely angry—it might have been pained.
Perhaps if Izar were to ever cry, that expression would be the closest thing to it.
* * *
Although events honoring Adamant were held in the temple, the imperial palace had its own designated prayer spaces. Izar’s footsteps had unconsciously led him to an outdoor chapel nestled in the inner gardens.
It wasn’t until he raised a hand to cover part of his face that he realized where he had ended up.
His temples and the corners of his eyes throbbed as though they were being torn apart. Despite all the pain Izar had endured in his life, this particular agony was entirely new.
“Damn it…”
No matter how many times he blinked, all he could see was Freesia’s indifferent smile.
A cruel woman. A damned shepherdess. His calamity.
‘If you hated me so much, you should have just killed me.’
She could have strangled him in the dead of night, plunged a sword into his heart, or begged the emperor to tear him apart the way the Antares family had been punished.
If it had been a physical punishment for his betrayal, he would have accepted it willingly.
But instead, she had devised an even greater punishment.
Using her own lifespan as a tool.
Using herself—and even their unborn child—to deliver the blow.
The half of his face that wasn’t hidden by his hand twisted in sheer misery.
“How could she…?”
He couldn’t just stand by and watch as Freesia used herself to enact her vengeance upon him.
Would it be better to let her go, even now?
〈 Duke, without ever being entangled with you from the beginning… 〉
But those words only made him acutely, almost painfully aware of where his heart truly lay. She was his flower, one he could never let go.
The cold night wind rustled the few remaining leaves on the trees, creating a cacophony of sounds. Yet even amidst the noise, a familiar voice behind him rang clear.
“Well, what a surprise to find the Duke out here.”
“…Your Imperial Highness.”
Izar turned to face Prince Riegel with a dark and sunken gaze. Riegel, who had dismissed his attendants to a distance, now looked at his cousin-in-law with a faintly bitter expression.
“Though it’s late, let me congratulate you once again. Still, you don’t seem as happy as you were during the hunting festival.”
“……”
“Neither of you do.”
Izar remained silent. Indeed, they didn’t look like a jubilant couple celebrating the news of their first child.
But gradually, light returned to Izar’s eyes.
Freesia had claimed that divine intervention had allowed her to save Riegel’s life.
“…There’s something I need to discuss with Your Highness.”
If that were true, perhaps…
Perhaps Riegel might hold a crucial clue.
