Come and Cry at My Funeral - Chapter 63
Putting my all on the line
Freesia didn’t believe that a perfect understanding of the other person stemmed from love alone. It took her three long years to grasp even a fraction of Izar, despite her affection for him.
Yet, this was beyond comprehension.
<Come to my room tonight.>
Her heart seemed to sink with shock upon hearing those words. She couldn’t simply be pleased; doubts surfaced first, due to everything that had transpired so far.
‘Hasn’t he been telling me over and over again not to act like his wife?’
Their wedding night had long passed, and the time they had to share quarters as guests of another noble household was over.
There was no reason for Izar to desire her company in such an intimate setting anymore.
Thus, while in his office, Freesia naturally posed the question before she could even stop herself.
“What exactly is the reason for inviting me to Your Grace’s room?”
And, unsurprisingly, Izar rebuked her with his eyes glinting coldly.
“Do I need to explain my every action to you?”
It was a stance that brooked no argument.
Before she could respond, Freesia was merely dismissed with a gesture indicating she could leave.
‘Shouldn’t I at least be allowed to ask about his intentions?’
Even as she tried to bridge the gap between them, it was Izar who continually drew lines, especially regarding the bedroom. She felt she had a right to understand any change in his feelings about it, and his attitude seemed somewhat cruel.
With her mind in turmoil, only Thea appeared genuinely excited about the situation.
“Now, even in the ducal residence, you’re being sought after, Madam! His Grace must truly be favoring you!”
“Hmm… Such delusions can be enjoyed even in death as a luxury.”
“Aye, the Madam is really something!”
As Thea applied perfumed oil to Freesia’s arms and legs, she smiled heartily. If the lady she was serving could receive favor, her own life would improve. It was obvious what she was hoping for.
“Since the marriage in the capital residence, you’ve become even more beautiful, Madam!”
“Hmm.”
“My mother always said mothers-in-law are the main cause of aging. It seems that’s true!”
“……”
Freesia couldn’t help but inwardly agree as she sneaked a glance at her reflection in the mirror.
‘I haven’t encountered the Elder Madam since we returned from Deneb… Perhaps my heart has lightened more than I thought.’
Her neatly arranged hair seemed finer, and her skin, once rough from harsh sunlight, now shone like porcelain. And her eyes, once weary from a life of poverty, how about them?
They weren’t of a blue hue that many people praised, but still, they were no longer drearily pitiful either.
‘I used to despise looking in the mirror.’
It only showed a woman crushed by life, staring back with needless sorrow.
So, was it true her fortunes had brightened since last year? With a bit more care, she might even pass for the most awkward noble lady in the territory.
Was Izar feeling desires towards the current her?
‘…More importantly, is that what I want?’
An opportunity for intimacy with the man she loved had arrived much earlier than expected, and perhaps her original goal might be achieved this way after all.
Time passed, and the evening darkened. Yet as Freesia made her way to Izar’s bedroom under the cover of night, her face remained shadowed.
“Are you alright, Madam?”
Even Thea, who was jubilant about grasping the servant’s reins well, had to ask.
Instead of showing the blushing and nervousness of a new bride as she neared the bedroom, her lady seemed to be falling into panic, turning pale and breaking into a cold sweat.
“Madam, are you really okay? Are you very nervous…?”
“I’m… I’m okay.”
Freesia unwittingly responded with a hoarse voice. The prospect of being in Izar’s room, which would soon appear before her, felt strangely terrifying.
‘Why? If anything, that room has good memories.’
Because while carrying her briar baby in her belly, she stayed in that room throughout her stable period.
Her ‘husband’ had not asked for doing that again after doing it once.
Moreover, when she had bellyaches or swollen joints, he would wake up immediately to check on her.
<Where does it hurt?>
And awkwardly controlling his strength, he would massage the sore spot. Shouldn’t that make her heart race?
‘But why?’
As if checking for monsters hidden in the bushes while herding sheep, she was dreadfully afraid.
What on earth was this inexplicable fear?
“Haah…”
To check if she was in her right mind, Freesia had to slightly grip her own neck several times.
But it was already too late to turn back.
She had already passed the guards and arrived at his room. From this point forward, Thea couldn’t accompany her anymore.
Pushing the slightly open door, she was met with a room almost unchanged from the last year she saw it – a space she thought was desolate for a noble of high standing.
However, the view beyond the window where they once looked up at the night sky together remained beautiful. That view managed to somewhat calm the nausea that felt imminent.
And seeing the man waiting for her with his back against that window, her heart raced as if it was about to reach her throat.
