Droit du Seigneur: His Lordship's Right of the First Night - Chapter 47
Standing there with an immense void in his chest, he heard Louise’s voice once more.
“Seeing how much you care for the children, I think you would make a wonderful father if you ever decide to have a family….”
In that moment, the memory he most wanted to forget resurfaced vividly in his mind.
***
After learning that Evan, the “maid’s son”, was actually a bastard born from a long-standing affair his mother had been having, Richard stopped visiting her for a while. It wasn’t due to disappointment in his mother’s infidelity—his father had mistresses as well, and he knew his parents’ marriage was not one of love.
What shook Richard was his mother’s attitude towards him.
After brooding alone for some time, he went to his older brother. Six years his senior, Leonhart listened with a detached air, as if observing someone else’s troubles. From his expression, it seemed he already knew.
Leonhart offered a brief piece of advice to ignore it and looked sympathetic but gave no further comfort.
“Come here.”
The older brother simply extended an arm and gave his younger brother a quick hug. He, too, had gone through this long ago and knew there was no solution but to overcome it alone—a fact Richard would only understand much later.
“…Mother.”
“You’re here?”
Despite his initial resolve, it wasn’t long before Richard returned to the Empress’s quarters. Ironically, even after hearing such words, his longing for her love did not fade. Most of all, he was just seven years old—a boy who wanted to see his mother. Even if she didn’t love him….
Surely, she must have missed him a little after not seeing him for so long. Contrary to his hopes, her demeanor was unchanged. She showed no curiosity about why he hadn’t come. And he couldn’t confront her about what he had overheard, fearing she might truly never want to see him again.
So, Richard left quietly, unable to say much.
“Your Highness!”
As he passed through the front yard of the Empress’s palace, he ran into Evan, who seemed to be there for a visit.
“…Evan.”
“Your Highness, why haven’t you come? I missed you!”
It was the first time Richard felt such hatred towards Evan, who approached him with a bright smile. Even though he knew the boy wasn’t to blame, he felt a burning jealousy and inferiority.
“Your Highness, let’s go play outside! Please?”
If only you weren’t here.
“…Alright, let’s go.”
“I want to play in the forest, but Mother says it’s dangerous.”
If only you weren’t here, maybe Mother would love me….
The neglected backyard of the palace had often been their playground. The forest behind it, however, was off-limits, deemed dangerous by the adults. Although he didn’t know the exact reasons, on any other day, Richard would have stopped Evan from going there.
But that day, he didn’t.
By the time he realized his mistake and ran into the forest, the bees from a hive in the largest tree were attacking Evan. Without calling for help, Richard rushed in to save him.
“…Evan!”
“Your Highness! Help me!”
Carrying Evan on his back, he barely escaped the swarm, but both boys were severely injured. Evan, being younger, suffered worse. Shortly after, his mother arrived in a hurry upon hearing the news.
“Evan, Evan! Oh, my dear, are you alright?”
“Mother… it hurts….”
“How could this happen….”
Her face was unrecognizable. Unlike her usual elegant appearance, she was disheveled, without having had time to brush her hair or straighten her clothes. It was the first time Richard saw her so undone. It seemed she didn’t even notice his injuries.
The pain from the bee stings and swelling subsided after days of high fever, but his mother’s constant calls for Evan lingered in his memory. And the guilt of nearly causing his half-brother’s death haunted him persistently.
If only there were no family, there would be no wounds like this. But he wondered if he was the only one feeling that way. From his mother’s or Evan’s perspective, he might have been the family member better off not existing….
Yes, if only I never existed….
***
“I am not someone who deserves to have a family.”
With a bitter smile, Richard walked past her. His hesitant hand brushed lightly over Louise’s head. As he walked away, his large back looked as forlorn as autumn leaves, and Louise instinctively called out to him.
“…My lord!”
An unknown emotion surged through her chest, but when he stopped, her throat tightened, and no words came out.
“My lord, I, I….”
“…….”
“I, well….”
“Let’s go inside.”
Richard, waiting for words that wouldn’t come, finally resumed his steps towards the castle. Louise stood there for a long time, watching his figure grow smaller until it disappeared.
