Emperor's Alternate - Chapter 64
I didn’t want to kill him. I didn’t want to kill anyone.
The idea that I had the power to decide anyone’s death was agonizing for me. I wanted it to stop. I don’t want to kill people who weren’t even my enemies. I wanted to be a human being, not a monster. I wanted to be free to feel human emotions.
“Just one thing, just this one thing….”
“…”
But despite my pleas, Lecan remained silent. He looked down at me, his lips sealed shut, in response to my repeated entreaties.
I suddenly realized that, no matter how much time passes, he would never answer. Lecan will never say that he would never commit treason. Even though he could simply lie to me, he could not bring himself to deceive anyone.
“…This is why I cannot accept you as my Lord, Your Excellency.”
As I let him go in despair, Lecan stared at me oddly.
Over the month I hadn’t seen him, Lecan’s physique had become even more robust. Fighting Drakeshine at the risk of his life had visibly honed his muscles. His skin remained smooth, but his features became sharper. His determined eyes were as accustomed to death as those of a butcher.
How Lecan must have felt when the volcano finally erupted, after so many battles.
“Get out. I’m not in the right state of mind to make important decisions right now.”
“…”
I turned my head away in confusion, but I said firmly, “Please leave.”
But Lecan, who had been observing me for a while, ignored my commands.
“Why should I leave?”
Lecan asked the next moment, grabbing my chin and pulling me to face him. There was no consideration in the way he forced me to make eye contact. His strong grip prevented me from turning my head as I pleased. He stared straight ahead, like he was peering beyond my eyes.
This was dangerous. It was a crisp moonlit night, alone in my room, and our position on the bed was inappropriate.
“Why should I leave?” Lecan asked.
His thumb teased my lower lip. His gaze moved from my lips to my eyes, and that alone made me feel like I was already being violated.
With his overwhelming presence, he whispered, “You were the one who told me that it would be foolish to fall for your charms.”
Strangely enough, I felt tears welling up in my eyes at his words. However, unwilling to cry even if I died, I blinked without letting any moisture gather. I simply glared at his red eyes fixed on me.
I told him I wasn’t in the right state of mind, but he didn’t seem to care.
I spent a month in constant anxiety and guilt, fearing that Lecan might be dead. I felt like I was going mad, afraid that I was committing a great sin, even though I had convinced myself that it was necessary.
How can he be so tender to a person who put his men in dire straits and him in harm’s way? Even my own lord despised me, treating me like an inhuman monster. Even I found my own existence disgusting and ghastly.
Lecan remained unyielding, as if that didn’t matter to him at all. I thought I could remain indifferent to his death.
He leaned down. So close our lips could touch at any moment. His breathing was ragged.
I blurted out through clenched teeth, “If you fall for me, do you think I’ll let that opportunity pass me by? I won’t, and I will drive my sword into your heart.”
“How can I possibly fall for you when you’re constantly threatening me?”
Lecan was so infuriatingly calm to the point where his confidence oozed through. The man I met in the black market told me that my life force was easy to read. Having survived a volcanic eruption through his magic, Lecan most likely could read my true feelings like an open book and know that all my threats were sincere.
‘I will kill you, Lecan.’
He stared back at me with a challenging gaze for a moment. However, the silence lasted only a few seconds.
Lecan smirked and lowered his head, his smug face looking like he wanted to see me try.
