Even Death Was Taken Away by That Obsession - Chapter 13
“If you come to love me, it’s my victory. If you come to love someone else, it’s my defeat.“
The beating of my heart intensified.
Eventually, it throbbed as if it would burst.
“How about it? I know we’ll fall in love again, even if we lose our memories, even if we remember nothing.“
“You’ll end up loving me. Because that’s our fate.“
“Let’s make a bet. A bet with a wish at stake.“
This kind of pain is terribly familiar.
I know it too well.
That’s why I hated it.
I hated it all. I hate everything.
“You actually know too, don’t you?“
“We are the only ones for each other.“
“Only we can have this kind of love.“
Stop it.
I hate it all.
I hate it…! Stop it.
Stop…
“Stop… I hate it!”
I screamed and sat up.
A thin cold sweat trickled down my back. For a while, my chest heaved roughly.
My body ached, showing how tense I must have been while sleeping.
I looked around with anxious eyes.
I saw wallpaper with a pattern of intertwining vines.
From the white furniture placed in front of it to the golden dressing table, everything was dazzlingly new.
A carpet with an intricate pattern was laid on the dark wooden floor.
Me, on the crisp white bed sheets, everything is quiet and peaceful.
My cozy room bathed in warm sunlight, ah… that’s right.
This is Aintz.
It’s not that place.
‘Feiden. Because of that damned bastard…!’
I put my feet down on the floor while holding my throbbing head.
Was it because of the conversation at the temple? The day started with an unsettling dream, and I felt awful.
“Um… Miss?”
I heard Bonnie’s voice, who had hurriedly come to check on me after hearing my scream.
She seemed to have been in the middle of cleaning up the scented candles lit at night, as her hands were full of remnants and miscellaneous items like glass bottles.
“Are you alright…?”
How pitiful must I look for that calm girl to ask so seriously?
I could barely answer and just shook my head with difficulty.
As the sweat that had flowed cooled, chills spread through me.
I felt a chill as if he had brushed past my nose as if we had been in the same space.
Bonnie, who had been standing at a distance, put down the things she was holding on the bedside table and quickly came over, kneeling down.
Bonnie’s eyes, looking up at me sitting on the bed, were calm but also full of worry as if she might cry.
“Did you have a bad dream? Should I call Dantea… the young master? Ah, he must have already left for the council.”
Bonnie busily handed me a glass, saying I should at least drink some water.
“I’ll go look for Feiden. I heard he stopped by the mansion late last night. He might not have left for the temple yet.”
I smiled bitterly, unable to hide my still trembling fingertips.
“No, it’s okay.”
I just remembered something from the past, that’s all.
Swallowing the bitter feeling alone, I placed my hand on Bonnie’s head to reassure her.
The girl’s body shrank considerably, perhaps unfamiliar with such kindness.
“If that’s the case… I’m really glad.”
It was around the time when the naive Bonnie was shyly expressing relief.
“Miss! Look at this!”
Dantea opened the door with a loud voice. An endless stream of maids followed.
They all came pulling racks full of dresses.
The dresses, shoes, and all sorts of accessories they brought filled the spacious room completely.
At a glance, it seemed like too much to wear in one day.
“How was your date yesterday? I wanted to hear your thoughts quickly, but a ton of gifts arrived from Marko’s atelier!”
Gifts?
When I tilted my head innocently, Dantea pretended to be surprised, saying, “Look at you!”
“This is obviously Marko, who heard the rumors about you – oh, Marko is a first-class designer in Bonasea. He’s never prepared dresses like this for any lady before!”
Dantea chattered on incessantly and made a fuss.
Bonnie, who hadn’t completely shaken off her worry for me, flinched and soon closed her mouth.
I liked how perceptive she was, understanding my intention to keep quiet just from a slight shake of my head.
“You don’t know how hard it is to even get a reservation at Marko’s atelier, and how much trouble noble people go through just to get one dress. Right?”
The maids who came in together nodded happily.
Dantea’s face, laying out dresses so dazzling it hurt the eyes, looked more excited than mine.
“Hubert’s eye for these things is excellent. Since it passed his inspection before coming here, you’re sure to love it.”
“Wow! Miss, please choose quickly.”
Bonnie also awkwardly chimed in and urged me.
Haha, even adding a somewhat clumsy laugh.
Fortunately, Dantea seemed too preoccupied with the dresses to pay much attention.
“Personally, I think the dress at the very end will suit you best.”
“I think anything would suit our young lady.”
I nodded lightly to the maids chattering away, showing appropriate likes and dislikes.
The wind flowing through the open window wrapped around the colorful dresses.
“How about this red dress?! Hubert recommended it so strongly, saying it was too pretty not to include, even though it’s quite intense.”
Dantea, who had been acting nonchalant all along, subtly watched my reaction.
Dantea was the one who knew best that I never wore or put on anything red.
Knowing this and still showing me a red dress, she seemed somewhat uncomfortable.
“But even I can see that only you could pull this off! It matches your eye color too!”
“Is that so?”
I smiled and delayed my answer, but the overly red color enveloping the entire dress made my eyes hot.
I thought about trying it on once, intending to give in, but seeing the dress made of blood-colored fabric made my chest feel tight.
It must be because of the dream.
It felt as if he was already noticing me from somewhere.
“That one looks prettier.”
With an apologetic expression for not choosing the one she had carefully selected, I slowly pointed to another dress.
“Aww, I thought this would suit you so well! What a shame.”
Dantea, not hiding her disappointment, whined but then brought out a blue dress with Bonnie and gently helped me put it on.
Gradually, my heart became peaceful.
Blue light, yes, this is the color I need.
‘It reminds me of Ian’s eyes.’
It felt like this might make my body, which must have been so terribly defiled in the past… feel a little cleaner.
***
It had been a month since I started staying at the Grand Duke’s mansion.
As Feiden had advised, I quietly waited for the medicine he would make.
I was concerned about the atmosphere in the mansion which oddly didn’t seem to welcome my outings, but Ian calmly explained the reason.
He said that Feiden had firmly instructed them that I was weak, and everyone was worried about me.
‘When you show such care with that kind face, it makes me want to behave.’
It would be better to refrain from going out alone until I find out who ‘he’ is.
So I thought I should enjoy some reading this evening and retire to my bedroom late.
I walked between the dimmed lights to find the library that Dantea had once shown me.
And I marveled at the interior of the library, which couldn’t be taken in at a single glance.
‘It’s truly an incredible scale.’
Ian had said that the library of the Grand Duke’s mansion was one of the places the previous Grand Dukes had put the most effort into.
True to his words, the scale of the well-organized library, from relatively recent works to ancient materials that would be difficult to interpret, was enough to make one’s jaw drop.
I stopped abruptly, hugging several books on Aintz’s etiquette, history, and climate.
‘Just a while ago, I was worrying about when to leave the mansion…’
Now I’m enjoying Ian’s concern and trying to adapt, bearing the name of his fiancée.
It was ironic, given that death was my goal.
‘No. After winning the bet, this duchy will be the place of my last life, right? It can’t hurt to know about Aintz.’
As I was looking for a suitable place while making excuses, I sensed the presence of a visitor who had arrived before me.
Even though the library had already turned blue with the sunset gone, who else could be here beside me?
I tilted my head and looked around.
And soon, my eyes met with those of a man who was sitting at a table, sensing my presence just as I had sensed his.
