Even Death Was Taken Away by That Obsession - Chapter 18

Ian must be having a good time.

Alone in the carriage, I leaned my head against the window, lost in deep thought.

Dekiel’s strange gaze towards me kept circling endlessly in my mind.

I felt like something was going wrong.

‘Why is everything so difficult?’

My only wish was to live like a human and die like one. That’s all I wanted to achieve.

What did I do wrong to receive such a wary look from the young Duke?

Was it because I chose to stay by Ian’s side despite being cursed?

Was it because Bonnie discovered my identity once?

Was it because I was too calm, trusting only Feiden?

‘Was it wrong from the start to open my eyes here?’

I closed my eyes, feeling a heavy sense of guilt as if everything had become my fault.

“I’d like to stop by the temple.”

“The temple, you say?”

“Yes, right now.”

Hubert, who had been wearing a kind smile, briefly held his words at the sudden request.

It seemed he was puzzled by my sudden change of heart when we were smoothly heading towards the mansion.

“Then I shall accompany you.”

“Aren’t you much busier than me? It’s fine, please call for a new carriage.”

“I’m grateful that you’re even considering an old man’s circumstances, but…”

Hubert placed his hand on his chest, misunderstanding me as a thoughtful young lady.

“The young master instructed me to ensure there’s no lack in attending to you.”

Hubert instructed the coachman to turn directly towards the temple.

For a moment, the old butler’s eyes were busy as if giving some other order along with it.

Was Hubert’s company really just to attend to me specially?

Or was it to monitor my actions?

As I lazily tilted my head to observe the old butler, I forcefully shook off my jagged thoughts.

‘Stop it. It’s all my paranoia.’

It’s because I’ve been confined for too long, always bound by his chains, that I’m being sensitive.

Pushing aside my inexplicable unease, I silently accepted Hubert’s company.

‘There are other things I should be focusing on right now.’

I clenched my fist slightly and swallowed.

Dekiel Viente.

Ever since I made eye contact with that young Duke in front of the boutique, my heart hadn’t stopped trembling.

Cold sweat slowly formed as I felt a chill similar to when I first opened my eyes here.

Dekiel might be ‘him’.

Even though I tried to ignore it, the thought that I couldn’t shake off captured me.

***

When I appeared at the temple, Feiden paused for a moment.

He seemed not to have expected me to come suddenly and request a meeting.

Keeping his gaze fixed on me, he casually ordered Hubert.

“You don’t look well. The examination might take a while, so wait in the drawing room.”

Hubert, who had been watching me closely the entire way, bowed hurriedly with an ‘I knew it!’ expression.

As soon as the butler disappeared, an improper greeting was heard.

“How brave of you to come all the way here?”

Then he let out an annoying sneer.

His attitude was so crooked it was almost apologetic to his pristine and holy priestly robes.

“I told you to just stay quietly by Ian’s side. What went wrong that made you come in such a hurry?”

Even as the wicked high priest tilted his head and asked, I paid no mind.

I just buried myself comfortably on the sofa as if I owned the place.

“I met Dekiel Viente. It wasn’t the first time, but anyway.”

“And?”

“…What do you mean ‘and’?”

Feiden’s attitude was nonchalant, as if wondering why I was interested in Dekiel.

Come to think of it, that guy said he couldn’t tell me who ‘he’ was. He said those were the conditions of the bet.

Then how can I confirm whether Dekiel is ‘him’ or not?

As I blinked my eyes, pondering a method, Feiden pretended to shiver.

“You don’t have to glare at me like that, I’m already scared enough of you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Really. Anyway, you’re still as willful as ever.”

“So, you’re saying you have nothing to say?”

“About Duke Viente, that’s right.”

“Then you should hand over that ‘medicine’.”

I blinked my eyes as I comfortably settled into the velvet sofa where I had once curled up with a wet body.

Feiden pretended to be surprised at my bold attitude and covered his mouth.

That look suddenly made him seem like a child. It was an attitude of someone desperate to tease me.

When I met his words with a deadly silence, Feiden stopped his nonsense and cleared his throat.

Then he slowly pulled out a test tube from his bosom.

“I was going to give it to you later because the quantity isn’t sufficient yet.”

I crossed my legs slightly and tilted my chin imperiously. It was a signal to hand it over quickly.

Feiden let out an empty laugh, as if he found the whole situation ridiculous.

Finally, after reluctantly surrendering the test tube, the High Priest took a seat across from me. He tapped the table rhythmically while recalling memories from long ago.

The steady beat echoed softly, almost like a hypnotic incantation.

“Hmm, what memories should I make you recall this time? Going back to the very beginning…”

The princess and the prince lived happily ever after.

His thin lips moved as if starting such a nonsensical story.

“It would be nice if you could remember from the distant past when you and he first met.”

Feiden closed his eyes, feeling the melody as if recalling a pleasant anecdote.

Even though for me, all the memories entangled with ‘him’ from that time would be nothing but nightmares.

***

The time spent as his companion.

I now realize that those days were quite happy and were some of the few beautiful moments I had.

The peaceful time with him extended beyond a month, then a season, and then years.

I was quite satisfied with my life there.

Looking back, I was his companion for quite a long time.

‘Why were they all abandoned? From such a warm place.’

Days of peace, almost monotonously repetitive, continued.

And so, I gradually lost track of time.

Due to the time that passed incomprehensibly fast while being with him, I couldn’t tell when it was now, or how much time had passed.

-How’s life here? Do you like it? Or do you want to go back?

How many years had passed? It was a sudden question.

Did I ever have a choice, having been chosen as his ‘companion’ from the start?

When I looked puzzled, he carefully added.

-I was wondering if it’s okay for you to stay with me a bit longer.

Ah, he was asking for belated permission.

Gently and kindly, as if mocking my initial thoughts of him as a vicious being from mythology.

In the end, he too was just a lonely person similar to me.

By no means was he a flawless ‘god’…

That’s how I let my guard down.

Perhaps I was captivated by his human-like appearance, by the touch of his hand on these lips.

His face, sometimes innocent yet at times seductively engulfing me.

That unapproachable beauty was so intriguing that I thought I might never tire of just looking at him forever.

That was probably the moment I fell in love with him.

My heart tilts like a scale that slowly descends and then suddenly pours out.

Acknowledging the love that had poured out, I naively wanted to give him everything.

-I love you.

Truly, I gave him my whole heart.

-Very much, sincerely.

I only looked at him.

It was certainly love.

Hence, I had no reason or will to love anyone else.

He must have known that well too.

But, even so, he couldn’t endure it.

How dare he.

-There are enough reasons for this person to die.

How dare you, that man who was with you.

***

Everything I’ve experienced can never disappear.

Even if I forcibly crumple and swallow it, pretending not to know, there are moments etched not in the head but in the body that can never be forgotten.

For me, that day was like that.

It must have been around the time when several years had passed since we were together.

It was a day in winter sometime when the white scenery had returned many times, a day when he was to leave the castle.

It wasn’t anything special, as he, who liked to imitate nobles or aristocrats, usually did this once or twice a month.

-I’m going to look around the surroundings. I might not be able to return until tomorrow.

-Tomorrow too?

-Don’t worry too much even if it gets delayed further.

-Delayed?

-I have something I need to do.

Trying hard to hide the smile that was forming without my knowledge, I answered quietly.

-…I see. Alright.

He had never left me alone on any night, so what could this thing he had to do be?

Before thinking about the reason, my heart was simply overflowing.

For some reason, the news that he would be away was very welcome.

Childishly excited, I waved him off leisurely and saw him off with a light kiss.

Around the time when my lover’s figure became not even a small dot in the distance, one fact excited me.

‘He won’t be here tonight.’

I hurriedly threw on some clothes and quietly left the castle.