Even Death Was Taken Away by That Obsession - Chapter 9
‘I never knew spending time with someone could be this enjoyable.’ I carefully looked at Ian while biting into a macaron prepared for dessert.
From his gentle voice to his elegant movements that everyone could consider textbook-perfect, and every action that thoughtfully considered me. Ian was flawless without a single blemish.
Despite having everything, his face remained clear as if he possessed nothing, and his eyes, inwardly glowing with the awareness of all he had, were entirely satisfying.
“Haine, shall we get up now?” I nodded willingly and rose, relying on his large hand. Even the warmth transmitted through just holding hands made me feel excited and overwhelmed for no reason.
After skillfully arranging the folds of my dress, I walked hand in hand with Ian. Although it wasn’t particularly new, even during the short time we leisurely exited the restaurant, secret attention poured in.
People’s eyes were even more intense than when we entered this place. I could even feel their determination to thoroughly evaluate the rumored lady this time.
‘As if they could do anything to me anyway.’ I drew a smile that was annoyingly prim.
No matter how sharply they glared, their powerless claws couldn’t even scratch me.
‘If I so desired, making their hearts mine would be effortless.’
And that’s without even using the ‘power’ in these eyes of his.
I briefly imagined a few small games, like changing their faces, caught in useless jealousy, to loyalty and making them bow their heads, but soon stopped.
I thought they must all be feeling hurt, as I was the mysterious lady who had taken the place beside Ian, who was loved by everyone.
With a generous heart, even the stinging gazes felt like unavoidable summer sunlight.
And so I walked, trampling over the sharp gazes that collided with my body over and over again. To those whose eyes occasionally met mine, I was just a shy and beautiful lady who gave modest greetings.
***
“It might have been a bit burdensome.” As soon as the carriage door closed, Ian’s face quickly hardened. He seemed to be concerned about the attention and gazes directed at me. That worry was a bit puzzling. It seemed too worrisome to be simply apologizing for people’s glances.
Eventually, Ian plainly apologized for his mistake. “I’m sorry.”
“Pardon?”
“Rumors about you have started circulating. I don’t know the details, but I was worried that strange things might be said about you.”
I could understand without him having to explain in detail. The modifier describing me was ‘the young lady brought in by the Grand Duke’s successor.’ It’s a title that easily attracts all sorts of talk.
“That’s why I hurriedly arranged this dinner. I wanted no one to imagine or misunderstand you arbitrarily, so I deliberately chose a place with many people, but…”
Ian’s face became gloomy. The face of a gentleman disappointed over something trivial was pleasant to look at in its own way.
“My desire was excessive. If I had known you would receive this much attention, it would have been better to dine in a quieter place.”
What a man, confessing his thoughts so plainly. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud like a girl who had played an amusing prank at the innocence he showed whenever I thought I’d forgotten about it.
“I don’t mind at all.” It was sincere to say I didn’t mind, as their jealous gazes were rather amusing.
‘Unfortunately, Ian, I’m not just an innocent lady.’ What’s the big deal about mere glances? As if I didn’t have a past of trampling and crushing people in countless repeated lives.
I wasn’t simply a woman who had lost her memories and wandered in the forest as Ian knew, nor was I an ordinary person.
‘Perhaps I should think a bit more about whether to draw Ian in.’ Suddenly, a sense of guilt that made me want to confess pricked my heart. The ground beneath my feet was too treacherous to hold onto Ian with desire disguised as aegyo.
A precarious place where one small push could lead to a deep cliff. I had already fallen numerous times and become numb, but Ian was different. I couldn’t hurt such a good person by drawing him into a cruel bet.
“Haine.” Ian’s hand brushed back my hair that had fallen without me noticing. The silver hair lightly scattered at his warm touch.
It was a strange sensation. With just one touch of his hand, the guilt that welled up incessantly melted away. The more I was consumed by his transparent and clear eyes, even the slightest conscience disappeared completely.
And I realized. Worrying about whether to draw him in with the appearance of an innocent lady or not was nothing compared to my past full of sins.
Nevertheless, I didn’t want to repeat such a life anymore. ‘Because I’m different from ‘him’.’ I just wanted to live like a human for the last time and die like a human.
Ian’s hand gently cupped my cheek. And so, a small tremor occurred in the blue eyes I faced.
“Haine, I have something to say.” Ian’s upper body leaned towards me. It was a distance where our lips might brush if the carriage jolted even slightly.
“Something to say?”
“If it’s alright with you…”
“……”
“How about becoming my fiancée?”
Fiancée? Unlike me, who tilted my head innocently, Ian lowered his eyes halfway, unable to hide his anxiety.
“Hubert asked if you were really the ‘benefactor.’ Unable to withstand his questioning, I ended up lying.”
“What kind of lie?”
“That we were secret lovers who had been meeting in secret.”
In short, Ian’s words meant that since the old butler seemed to know the lie when he asked, he ended up telling another lie that they were lovers without even realizing it.
“I didn’t want you to remain in an ambiguous position in the mansion, so before I knew it…”
Ian, unlike his usual self, continued his words incoherently and looked at me pitifully, checking my reaction. It felt like a large dog with its tail drooping.
“So from now on, I have to act like your lover…”
As I quietly sorted out the situation, I belatedly understood everything and covered my mouth with my hand. It was to cover my mouth that had opened involuntarily.
“I’m really sorry. No matter how well-intentioned, you probably don’t like me acting so arbitrarily like this.” Ian drooped his broad shoulders and rubbed his face.
“I’ll gladly accept it if you get angry. But this method was the best I could think of.”
“……”
“No one would be able to treat the person mentioned as the potential Grand Duchess carelessly.”
Certainly, from my position of having lost my memories, there could be no more solid method than this. The position of being the lover of the Grand Duke’s successor would serve as a stronger shield than any title.
“It would also be easier for you to receive treatment from my brother, the High Priest… I just want you to know that it was all truly for your sake.”
A moment of silence passed. Ian’s lips were tightly closed, like a criminal waiting for a sentence.
Although it was surprising, Ian’s offer of a fake fiancée position was a very attractive proposal. Anyway, since my memories weren’t fully restored yet and I would need Feiden’s medicine, it would be good in its own way if I could stay at the Grand Duke’s residence for a long time.
“…There’s no need to apologize.” The fake fiancée relationship between Ian and me was a condition that was only disadvantageous to Ian and not at all bad for me.
“If I can stay at the mansion a bit longer like that, I should be grateful instead.”
“Is it really okay?”
“Of course.”
As I nodded, Ian finally let out a sigh of relief. Even I was drawn to smile at his honest relief, like that of a child.
“Even though I’m a fake fiancée, I’ll try to be of help too. Like preventing unwanted courtships from other ladies.”
“I would be very grateful if you could do that. There’s a limit to refusing proposal letters.”
Although it was just a casual remark, Ian seemed to genuinely appreciate my joke as if it was really a headache-inducing matter.
Eventually, his elegant blue eyes carefully drew a smile.
“I look forward to your help from now on, Haine.”
Somehow, it was a gaze with a completely different atmosphere from a moment ago when he was apologetic and didn’t know what to do, one that was hard to read.
Finally, he took out a neatly folded document from inside his jacket and handed it to me. It was a copy of some document.
“It’s the family tree of the Berdandi Count family.”
I had no idea why he was suddenly handing me the genealogy of an unfamiliar count family. But when I confirmed the name ‘Haine’ written at the very bottom, I could understand why Ian showed me this document.
“My brother says there’s almost no possibility of your memories returning. He also said it would be difficult to continue without a known identity.”
If the renowned Feiden had concluded so, it must be true. Hiding my sneer towards the high priest who seemed to know my secret better than I did, I asked back.
“If I have an identity, I could live comfortably… but is it really okay?”
My question of whether it was okay was out of concern for Ian. A fake fiancée and a fake count’s daughter. It was an amazingly kind role, but it was a conscience towards him, asking if it would be right to do this much for me.
But Ian misunderstood my words kindly.
“I know what you’re worried about. But don’t worry. I’ve prepared everything perfectly, so there’s no chance of being discovered.”
His large hand covered mine. As I flinched and stared at him, Ian gave me a fresh smile. My chest felt tight at his warm consideration, like spring.
If I manage to live this life happily, it will surely be thanks to this person.
Tears welled up at an alarming speed.
‘Thank you, Ian.’
I desperately needed someone as kind as you.
I slowly grasped his hand and smiled sadly.
