Even If You Tear Me Apart - Chapter 56
The chapters are split like this so that the TL can update more consistently over time (✿ ＞◡❛)
You think I could have refused? Just what are you trying to say?
Is it that Ezekiel’s role as her escort displeased her? Or did she resent him for not refusing?
Ezekiel knew. He knew she must resent him.
When she asked if he could have refused, that’s what she meant. That she couldn’t stand the sight of him—so why hadn’t he refused Étienne?
It was laughable.
“You may not have wished for me to be your escort, but I had no choice. It was an order.”
“……”
“I am a paladin of Udal… and I follow the commands of the Temple of Udal. His Majesty the Emperor donates an enormous sum to the temple each year.”
“……”
“You may feel discomfort having me as your escort, Lady Quilluxia. But as one who serves under orders, I will do my best to avoid conflict with you.”
Is that sufficient? That’s what he was asking.
But Iris only stared at him in silence for a long time. Then finally, as if spitting the words out, she spoke.
“…I’d prefer if you didn’t interfere in my affairs from now on.”
As she said this, she adjusted the robe she was wearing. Her arm briefly became exposed in the process. Ezekiel silently looked at her. From earlier, her bruised wrist was clearly visible.
It was absurd. Ezekiel made a decision—to become a little lowly.
“…It’s not interference. It’s protection. And…”
“It’s interference.”
“Now that you’ve taken the name of Murenas, your honor is directly tied to that of the imperial family.”
To that, Iris had no reply. Because Ezekiel’s words were not from a knight, but from someone speaking as a member of the imperial family.
As soon as she closed her mouth, Ezekiel felt a twinge of victory—and at the same time, shame. The fact that he felt as though he had ‘won’ something by prying into a woman’s affairs made him feel childish and base.
“…Understood.”
In the end, Iris nodded. She probably had no other choice. She adjusted her robe and stood.
“That’s all I had to say. I’ll be going.”
Why was it?
The moment she stood and turned to leave, Ezekiel felt a lightning-strike impulse. His rational mind screamed that he should let her go, but his hand ignored reason and reached out to her.
“!”
Startled by the hand that grabbed her arm, Iris turned to look at him. Ezekiel released her wrist and stood, taking a few steps closer. Iris instinctively took a step back. Ezekiel asked in a low voice,
“Do you dislike that I’m the one escorting you?”
“…That’s not…”
“Then why did you accept Étienne’s damned proposal?”
Her blue eyes wavered. But Ezekiel didn’t stop. He stepped closer to her again. Two steps, three. With every step he took, Iris reflexively stepped back—until she bumped into the wall with a soft thud.
Ezekiel reached out and braced his hand against the wall. Iris was now trapped beneath his arm. She looked up at him with wide, flustered eyes, clearly overwhelmed.
“Don’t do this…”
“At the very least—”
Ezekiel cut her off and whispered softly,
“I believed you had chosen a better path than I did.”
Because otherwise, he felt he might lose his mind.
“But is this… the life you chose?”
Iris’s eyes widened—then quickly welled up with tears.
He knew. He knew his words would hurt her. But it was how Ezekiel truly felt.
Her blue eyes, which had fixed only on him, blazed with fury in the next instant.
“I think you’re mistaken, sir.”
“……”
“Sir, while we may have once been close…”
“……”
“That does not give you the right to interfere in my life.”
In an instant, she slipped from beneath his arm. The door slammed shut behind her.
Ezekiel wanted to die. Not because he had hurt her.
But because of the look in her eyes, so clearly focused on him from such a close distance. Because of her breath, brushing against him as she spoke in retort.
Whatever she had said, Ezekiel’s mind was consumed entirely by that.
Her breath had the faint, fresh scent of grass. Just as he remembered.
Leaning against the wall, he ran his fingers over the back of his neck. The holy mark of Udal. The one engraved when he swore to become a paladin. It was still there.
And thank the gods for that.
That mark was the clearest proof that he did not love her.
Ezekiel closed his eyes.
If there was one moment he regretted in his otherwise solitary life, it would surely be that summer.
