For Sale: Male Lead, Obsession Included - Chapter 91
When I opened my eyes, I saw an unfamiliar ceiling.
For a moment, fear gripped me—just like it had ten years ago.
‘No way… I haven’t transmigrated again, have I?’
It was a reasonable doubt. After all, the last thing I remembered was collapsing weakly to the ground.
‘Did I… die from overwork?’
At last, the illness had relapsed.
For the past ten years, I had been worked to the bone like a slave in the Glioced Margraviate. And after all, overwork was often the cause of a protagonist’s transmigration in many romance fantasy novels, right?
I tried to move my body, which felt as if it were buried in the bed, but when I failed, I gave up and simply stared blankly at the ceiling.
Rather than indulging in the absurd notion of a second transmigration, it seemed more practical to piece together the fragmented memories that felt shattered in my mind.
‘What happened before I collapsed?’
I furrowed my brows at the dull headache pulsing in my skull—and then I remembered.
I had collapsed while talking with Feyden.
And that conversation had been more painful than the headache now pressing down on my skull.
My slow, deep breaths—meant to calm me—only made my chest feel tighter.
‘I already knew about Feyden’s betrayal.’
But Ariel… I had still held onto a small sliver of faith in him.
I had expected Kyte to order an investigation on me—his personality was shady and persistent, after all. It made sense that he would have someone tail me.
‘But for that person to be Ariel…’
A suspicion I had buried deep within my heart was now confirmed, and the realization left me feeling like a lone boat adrift on an endless sea.
Lost.
A wave of unfamiliar emotions surged toward me.
…Loneliness.
I had always been alone.
After a brief and miserable cohabitation with someone I couldn’t even call family, I had lived by myself, working part-time jobs.
I never learned how to rely on others, nor had I ever felt the need to. That was why I had no fear of being thrown into this unfamiliar and isolating world, forced to live as Estira.
Because Estira had been just as alone as I was.
‘I thought that was enough.’
So why did my chest feel so painfully hollow now?
Had the past month of travel made me a more sentimental person?
Beautiful landscapes, delicious food—and the companions I had shared them with.
Yes. I must have become attached.
To Feyden, even after knowing of his betrayal.
And to Ariel, even though I couldn’t bring myself to be angry at him.
‘Affection is a frightening thing.’
I had learned this lesson with Declan, but it seemed I still hadn’t fully understood.
Affection was something that should neither be given nor received carelessly.
Because once it took root, tearing it away was nearly impossible—and even if I managed to, it would still hurt, as if a piece of my heart had been carved out.
Even when I had been locked in a dark wardrobe, even when I had gone days without a single bite of bread, even when I had been struck on the head by a large hand—I had never once cried.
And yet, here I was, crying.
Tears welled at the corners of my eyes, slipping past my temples, soaking into my sideburns, and dampening the pillow beneath me.
I had thought I was fine. I had convinced myself that I was fine.
But maybe I wasn’t.
…No.
If I were to be truly honest—just for a moment—maybe I had felt a little lonely.
Ah. Maybe not just a little.
I was lonely.
Very much so.
***
I lost track of how many times I drifted in and out of sleep.
By the time the world beyond the window had darkened, a quiet knock echoed through the room.
“…Yes.”
My voice, cracked and hoarse, barely formed the word. The door creaked open, and its visitor was none other than Ariel.
He held a candle in his hand, presumably here to light the room. The flickering red flame wavered precariously over his pale face.
No… perhaps it wasn’t just the candle that was unsteady.
Ariel’s eyes widened in surprise, as if he hadn’t expected me to be awake. He stood frozen in the doorway, staring at me.
“…Are you all right?”
After a moment’s hesitation, he finally spoke in his usual gentle tone.
His voice was calm, but the way his pupils trembled and his throat bobbed told me he was tense.
“Yes. Thanks to your care.”
Ariel approached slowly, his expression restless, as though he were sitting on a bed of thorns.
His lips moved hesitantly, as if he were working up the courage to speak.
“…Estira, I know this may not be the best time to bring this up while you’re unwell, but… I also feel that waiting too long would be disrespectful. Would you spare me a moment…?”
“If it’s an apology, don’t bother.”
As I had expected, Ariel—who had been rambling uncertainly—clamped his mouth shut, lips sealing like a shell.
“I don’t want to hear it. And there’s no need.”
