Guidelines for the Perfect Goodbye - Chapter 189
“…”
Cecilia lowered her gaze. She looked into the eyes of the man kneeling in front of the bench she was seated on, holding her hand gently.
Logan didn’t avert his eyes. His moonlit-colored eyes met hers directly, and they exchanged glances for a long moment.
At last, Cecilia slowly withdrew her hand.
Logan, however, caught her fingertips as they slipped away, gently holding just her index and ring fingers. Then he spoke again.
“I have always been alone. From before our engagement until now.”
“I’m not sure what you’re trying to say…”
He was firm in his response.
“I don’t have a lover.”
“…”
“And, of course, you are my only fiancée. But you already knew that.”
Cecilia’s lips trembled slightly. The corners of her mouth, which had been quivering like dew on a leaf, curved into a bitter smile.
“That’s not true.”
Before Logan could offer any rebuttal, she continued quickly.
“Why are you lying like this? Is it to break me down? Or is your lover someone so understanding that she’s willing to turn a blind eye to you showing interest in another woman for a moment?”
“It’s not like that…”
“It isn’t, is it?”
You said you hated me. Because I made your lover disappear from this world. That’s why you hated me so much.
That couldn’t have been a lie.
If it was a lie…
‘Then what was the meaning of all the hatred and contempt I received from you?’
Out of all the people who despised me, you were the only one whose feelings I could understand. You said you lost something precious, and I could understand that emptiness, that ever-growing fury.
But now you’re telling me you had no lover?
That I’m the only one?
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
Cecilia laughed, shaking her head slowly from side to side. The motion was so gentle that her hair barely stirred.
She pressed her nails into his palm, the sharp edges digging deeply into his skin. Yet Logan remained still. He didn’t flinch or show any sign of pain—he simply waited for her in silence.
Cecilia kept the pressure on her nails as she spoke.
“This… is not how things should be.”
Her normally calm and resolute voice was now trembling like a stormy sea. Her slender neck shook pitifully as she fought to maintain composure.
“Even if your lover understands your engagement, this isn’t right. You haven’t asked for my consent yet.”
She had never agreed to join in on this game he seemed to be playing so casually.
Cecilia finally eased the pressure from her nails, and their hands naturally brushed against each other as they fell apart. Logan briefly clenched his now empty hand before releasing it and continuing.
“I never gave you permission to treat our engagement as a joke.”
“A joke…?”
Logan furrowed his brow and absentmindedly stroked his chin.
“I’ve never thought of our engagement as a joke…”
Though I have thought of it as a meaningless arrangement, he muttered to himself, clicking his tongue.
“Forget what I just said. It’s all from before we even met.”
“Do you like my face so much that you want to keep me around? Just curious to have me once?”
Her blunt question seemed to dissolve the composure in his face. His firm grip loosened as he looked away, but since her nails were still pressing into his palm, their hands remained linked.
“Is it so wrong to develop feelings for one’s fiancée and want to get to know her better rather than rushing to break things off?”
“You say you’re interested in me? Now, after all this time?”
Cecilia scoffed bitterly.
“You must think I’m naive. You’ve never shown an ounce of interest in me. You were late even to our first meeting. You received my portrait but didn’t even recognize my face.”
Though their engagement had only been verbal, there was still an emotional connection involved. Logan acknowledged every bit of his prior indifference and disrespect.
“When I first heard about our engagement, which my grandfather arranged without my consent, I was filled with youthful defiance. I only thought of myself and didn’t consider you at all, which makes me a failure as both a man and the older one of us two. I was foolish. If I’ve hurt you because of that, I will do whatever I can to make amends.”
“You didn’t even tell me you had a lover.”
Logan sighed, seemingly frustrated.
“I don’t have a lover.”
“But you spoke as if you did.”
“At the time, you… Damn it.”
He cursed under his breath, running a hand through his hair in frustration.
“…That wasn’t directed at you. Please don’t misunderstand. It’s just a bad habit of mine.”
“How refined of you.”
“…?”
“You’re so polite, you almost seem indifferent.”
