Guidelines for the Perfect Goodbye - Chapter 203
There are a few things in this world that cannot happen.
Like her father cherishing his children more than his own life, her mother becoming a wise and thoughtful woman, or herself living a happy married life until the end of her days…
Such absurd things.
They were things that were simply not possible.
Human nature is consistent. Any hope that rests on the premise of someone else changing is abstract and intangible, like a dream. A harsh and cold reality blocks those mirages shimmering on the horizon.
Such was the nature of the time she had shared with Ulysses in their youth.
Whenever he looked at Cecilia, shadows darkened in his gaze. The anger Nigel had felt toward her because of his past was different from what Ulysses felt.
Ulysses saw Cecilia as his mirror. When he looked at her, he would observe his own situation through the eyes of another, plunging into a familiar self-loathing.
And then, at last, he escaped.
By distinguishing himself from her.
‘I am not like you.’
That was what he had told her, almost forcing the words into his head. He had told her that they were different. To prove his own worth, he stubbornly pushed her down, determined to look down upon her.
Memories of that time flooded back, like a blizzard.
Cecilia lifted her head and met his frozen gaze. His eyes were always cold, but this time, they felt lukewarm somehow—like ice that had melted into cold water, eventually becoming tepid and dull.
Neither one nor the other, merely lukewarm.
Suddenly, he felt unfamiliar.
“Fine?”
What did he mean by ‘fine’?
Was he talking about them enduring some pointless rumors?
Or…
‘Does he think, after that night, that there’s something between us?’
Her heart, which had briefly raced, suddenly calmed. Even her voice, slipping through her teeth, was steady.
She asked him calmly.
“Ulysses, do you feel responsible for me?”
“…”
“Is that why you’re suddenly jealous?”
In the past, she would never have dared to ask such a question.
The mere thought of it would have made her question whether she was being too self-conscious, forcing her to doubt herself.
In the past, if she had asked such a question, he wouldn’t have acknowledged it. She didn’t expect affirmation either. He would have either scoffed at her boldness, pointed a finger at her, or silently dismissed the question as if he hadn’t heard it.
Maybe he would have replied, ‘Me, responsible for you?’ in a factual, emotionless way, seeking clarification.
But the Ulysses standing in front of her now was different. He didn’t say a word. Or perhaps he couldn’t.
He stood there, rigid, unable to move or pass by her, like an old tree rooted in dry soil.
Then, finally, his tightly pressed lips slowly parted.
“Yeah… Maybe that’s what it is.”
Ulysses answered with a self-deprecating tone, briefly glancing toward the front door.
“The men who came to court you today are all worthless scoundrels. No matter who you pick, none of them will be decent. They’re useless in terms of connections, too. So, there’s no point in entertaining any of them.”
With that, he brushed past Cecilia, turning his gaze to the opposite direction.
“If you’re going to leave, tell me now.”
He gestured toward the back door, and a slight reaction flickered between Cecilia’s eyebrows.
She blinked several times, her lips curling into a crooked smile.
“Sure.”
At her affirmative response, Ulysses looked at her, as if spellbound. His fingers twitched, then he pointed toward the back.
“Wait. I’ll get ready right away. I’ll grab some clothes, and…”
“What are you talking about? Why would you need clothes? Are you planning to flee the country?”
Ulysses stared at her, dumbfounded, his mouth slightly agape.
Was this what it would feel like if a doll that had sat in one place for a hundred years suddenly came to life?
His expression was so clear, it was hard to believe it belonged to the Ulysses she knew.
“But… you just told me…”
“I said I was going out the front door.”
“…You’re going to meet those people? The ones who came here just to appraise your body?”
“Isn’t that obvious? If I act out today, it’s clear I’ll be scolded later. And if Aunt finds out the person I left with was you, the first thing she’ll do is grab me by the hair.”
Leaving with Ulysses had never been an option for her.
She had only wanted to confirm something.
Though she thought it unlikely, there was still that small chance. Just in case.
Cecilia felt the need to check his true feelings.
And now, she was sure of it.
