How to Live as the Terminally Ill Younger Sister of the Villain - Chapter 71
“…Think whatever you like.”
He really disliked being a good child. He thought he would never become a gentle person, but when that child said it like that, he didn’t want to deny it completely.
It was a strange and contradictory feeling.
“Here, eat this.”
The fish was nicely grilled to a golden brown, and Blake handed it to her.
“By the way, the fish in the Dark Forest don’t taste good. Don’t expect too much.”
“Okay.”
She took the skewer he gave her and ate well. Though she kept frowning and rubbing her eyes as if she couldn’t see well, she didn’t complain.
“I thought you wouldn’t like it, but you’re eating well.”
“It’s much better than starving, right? And they say it’s a luxury to expect taste when you’re being fed.”
“…You must have been very hungry.”
The child didn’t answer.
Has she often gone hungry? It seems unlikely she could say such things so calmly otherwise.
Silence fell between them. The only thing disturbing that quietness was the distant sound of monster cries. The eerie sounds didn’t stop.
The girl, seemingly scared by those sounds, fidgeted a bit before pressing herself close to Blake.
Despite saying it was better than starving, she stopped eating and tightly gripped Blake’s collar. She flinched greatly every time a sharp cry tore through the air.
“In the Dark Forest, you can always hear those sounds. But that doesn’t mean they’re close, so you don’t need to tremble like that.”
“…Okay.”
She answered, but her expression didn’t relax. Hugging her injured leg tightly and hunching her shoulders, she looked very pitiful. Her skinny limbs made it even more so.
“Seems like your ears have gotten better. Considering how those sounds are bothering you.”
“…Yeah.”
“Maybe it would have been better if you couldn’t hear.”
“….”
“Want me to make something to cover your ears? I think if we grind monster hide well and wrap it around a stone, it might work.”
Blake asked while looking around the hideout to see what was available, but the child shook her head. Instead, she just gripped Blake’s clothes tighter.
“If you don’t want earmuffs, is there something else I can do?”
“….”
“If you just tremble without saying anything, I can’t help you. Tell me what you want. If I can do it, I will.”
When he asked irritably out of frustration, the child hesitated before opening her mouth.
“Pat my head.”
Then she pressed herself tightly against Blake and closed her eyes firmly. As if trying to cut herself off from the world.
“I think that will make me feel at ease.”
At the quietly added words, Blake looked down at the child in bewilderment. But she, clinging tightly to him, didn’t move an inch, seemingly sincere.
So Blake slowly raised his hand and placed it on her head. He stroked the back of her head clumsily and unnaturally.
“Your looks are just like a ripe barley field, and the texture is like dried barley stalks too.”
Feeling awkward as it was his first time comforting someone like this, he grumbled.
There was no response. Instead, her shoulders, which had been trembling, calmed down. He could feel the tension in her body gradually relaxing.
“Is this really enough?”
He couldn’t understand how she could completely relax just from having her head patted when she couldn’t be reassured no matter how much he explained.
“It’s nice… having my head patted.”
However, the child leaned against Blake without any further explanation. Her breathing gradually became more even.
They stayed like that for a long time. Until each other’s warmth fully seeped into one another.
***
The time the two children spent together wasn’t long. At most, about a week.
However, relying on each other mentally to endure in an abnormal environment made them as close as if they had spent a lifetime together.
“For the first time while staying with that child, I came to think that I must survive and escape from that place.”
Blake’s voice was deeply subdued as he slowly traced his memories.
He thought these memories had all faded away, but they hadn’t. The memories were holding onto him faintly. Perhaps he was the one holding onto them…
“Before that, I thought if I couldn’t survive, that was simply where my fate ended.”
He thought it was enough to live according to how fate flowed.
But for the first time, a will grew inside him that didn’t want to conform to such things.
The desire to protect that child, the urge to leave together with her to the outside world, welled up.
He wanted to feed her fresh salad and warm meat instead of fishy fish and give her proper medicine instead of amateur herbal water. He wanted to heal her leg quickly before it got worse and explore the world together.
“I think I liked that someone needed me.”
Funny enough, it felt like life gained meaning.
“Sometimes I wanted to escape from that place right away, but I worried if the child’s attitude would change once we got outside and they learned who I was.”
However, in the end, just having such concerns made him happy and joyful. It was blissful.
“But…”
A shadow fell over Blake’s face as he spoke of the fond memories.
“I lost that child due to my mistake.”
He wasn’t supposed to leave her alone.
When Blake returned from hunting and saw the devastated area, he felt like he was falling into an abyss.
The mountain of monster corpses, torn to shreds, was more cruel and horrific than any death he’d ever seen, and he could still occasionally smell the burning and bloody stench from that time.
If there was a ‘king’ in the Dark Forest, that creature would have been it.
The magical power it left behind was so thick it was hard to breathe, and the area it had swept through was several times larger than the ducal plaza.
Moreover, it didn’t spare any small existence. It wasn’t hunting or territory dispute. It was simply massacre.
It didn’t seem to particularly enjoy the butchery. Judging by the intense killing intent in its thick magical power that made skin sting, it was just venting its anger, though the reason was unknown.
That child just happened to get caught up in that venting.
While it might be considered a natural law, Blake found it hard to accept.
He didn’t know how long he stood there blankly.
Did he cry? He’s not sure. The shock was probably too great to even cry.
And somehow, he followed that killing intent. When he came to his senses, he was outside the Dark Forest.
He had wanted to leave the forest for that child’s sake, but he could only leave after losing her.
How angry that made him.
“I tried to live forgetting that child out of hatred for the world. But now…”
Though he tried so hard to forget…
“I regret that I can’t remember the child’s face.”
Blake gave a bitter smile.
“…How ridiculous.”
He wanted to forget and did, yet now he resents his past self for making him forget. Could there be a more selfish emotion?
Just as self-deprecating emotions were about to consume his heart, Angelina, who had been listening quietly, spoke.
“It’s not ridiculous.”
She conveyed gentle comfort in her characteristically languid voice.
“It’s natural not to remember the face. Everyone wants to forget painful things.”
She understood his desire to forget what happened then. But that wasn’t all.
“But Duke… it seems those times weren’t only painful and difficult for you.”
Blake’s brows slightly furrowed at her words. Seeing his expression of incomprehension, Angelina extended her index finger to point at his heart.
“It’s still there. The hope you felt then, your feelings for that child, that tenderness.”
“….”
“The self-blame and regret you felt at the end were so great that they remain most intensely, but you don’t regret all the time you spent with that child.”
At that moment, Blake’s eyes wavered greatly.
“Because the time spent with that child was so precious… That’s why the self-blame is greater.”
“….”
Blake’s breath stopped.
Her words precisely identified the source of his contradictory emotions.
She was right.
The truth was, he missed her.
Those times were precious, which made him angrier, and that’s why he wanted to forget with all his might. But at the same time, because they were precious, he didn’t want to forget.
Angelina seemed to ponder something for a moment, then carefully added.
“It might be a bit different from your story, but… I don’t remember my parents’ faces either.”
She thought he might find comfort in her story since he had shared his.
“It could be because they passed away when I was too young… But still, the emotions I felt then remain. Here.”
Angelina placed her hand on her chest. She could feel her heartbeat through her palm.
“Because this tender feeling exists, isn’t that why we can imagine and reminisce?”
