I Married the Mad Duke Who Killed My Husband - Chapter 44
“So you do have things you’re afraid of.”
“……You must not know this, but right now isn’t the time to tease, it’s time to apologize?”
Though embarrassment belatedly washed over me, having already cried my heart out, my swollen eyes stung like a fish’s. A shocked Pia placed a cool compress on my eyes, and Cassion, who had quietly approached my bedside, spoke.
“I’m not teasing…… No, sorry. I’m sorry, Asilia.”
Cassion, who had reflexively tried to make excuses, apologized with a deflated look. I decided to press him further to hide my own embarrassment.
“A person should have some awareness!”
“……I’m sorry. I was thoughtless.”
“Do you know how startled I was? Leaving me alone without a word! I thought I was going to die of fear!”
“Was it that bad?”
“……”
“Sorry.”
When I lowered the compress covering my eyes to glare at him, Cassion quickly changed his words. But was it my imagination that his face looked like he was about to burst out laughing before I put the compress back?
“Looking at you now, your skin is so delicate. To get so swollen and raw just from crying a little.”
“……Why? Do I look ugly?”
Though I have considerable confidence in my beauty, I’ve never seen my eyes swollen from crying. I haven’t looked in a mirror yet, but considering how Pia looked at me in shock and silently reproached Cassion with her eyes, it must be more than just a bit of redness.
“You’re showing me many surprising sides today.”
“What exactly did you think I was?”
“You’re usually so capable and bold. You solve everything before there’s even a chance to help. It’s natural, but I was thoughtless.”
“I’m human too, you know. I have things I’m afraid of, my eyes swell when I cry, and I might look a bit ugly when they’re swollen.”
“Everything except that last part is true.”
Cassion chuckled and gently stroked my palm where marks remained from gripping the reins too tightly. That brief touch tickled.
“……I didn’t realize it, but I must have relied on and leaned on you too much. When you’re such a small person who can get hurt and cry.”
“Wait, am I hearing this right – are you apologizing or criticizing? Just because I’m afraid of horses, I’m suddenly a person with a small capacity?”
“Not capacity…… I’m sorry. I keep making mistakes. I just meant I need to be more mindful of you.”
“That’s right. Treat me preciously.”
“With my life.”
“Ah, that’s so extreme. You could just say you’ll try your best or do your utmost, why so scary with ‘with my life’?”
“Was I scary?”
“It’s just a figure of speech! I’m not scared of you!”
Is he trying to tease me after catching that one phrase? I threw off the compress and jumped up. But contrary to my expectation that he’d be smirking, Cassion was looking at me with an unexpectedly serious expression.
“You should be more afraid of me than horses, Asil.”
“Why should I be afraid of you? That’s being overly self-conscious.”
“Most people think that way.”
“I don’t.”
“You lack caution. In many ways.”
His slight smile feels somehow unsettling. He tried to make me lie down and replace the compress on my eyes, but I blocked his hand and moved closer.
“Did something happen at the Imperial Palace? Did you hear something unpleasant?”
“It’s nothing.”
“If it’s nothing, tell me.”
“Just… when I’m with you, I sometimes forget certain treatment, but I was reminded of it again. It was good to regain some vigilance when I was getting too relaxed lately.”
I could guess from the flash in his downcast eyes. No matter how much Cassion and the Second Prince’s reputation had improved among the commoners and minor nobles of the Second Prince’s faction, it wouldn’t be the same in the Imperial Palace.
I considered comforting him but decided to leave it be, thinking he wasn’t the type to crumble over such things, and as he said, that anger would become the driving force for the path ahead.
“That’s a good mindset. Let’s beat up anyone who blocks our path or says strange things.”
“Right.”
“I’ll be right there beating them up with you, so don’t worry.”
“Pfft. Yes. But don’t let me rely on you too much. I need to stand on my own too.”
“I’ve been too indulgent, paving only flower paths for you, right? Let’s find Lorang together now.”
I jokingly stuck out my stomach, showing off my achievements so far. Cassion nodded, taking the joke seriously.
“For that, we need energy. Let’s go eat dinner now! Tell me the rest about what happened at the Imperial Palace while we eat.”
“Is it already okay to get up?”
“Crying doesn’t make me sick. If anything, I’m hungrier.”
From the way he glanced at my face, especially around my eyes, it seemed the compress hadn’t fully restored my original beauty, but hunger came first. It’s not like anyone besides Cassion and the ducal household would see me anyway.
***
“Oh my…… My lady, are you alright? Should I bring some lighter food?”
“Your Grace! What did you do to our lady! Apologize!”
“……I already apologized.”
“Apologize again! You can’t apologize enough!”
It seems I was mistaken to think it would be fine. When Cassion ordered the slightly delayed dinner and we went down to the dining room a while later, the servants carrying food and the chef who had come out to explain today’s menu gaped at me.
I forgot to look in the mirror before coming down. How bad could it be?
“It’s nothing. I overreacted.”
“Oh dear, our lady, how can you be so delicate and kind.”
“Don’t say you overreacted. Someone else was being unreasonable, my lady is not at fault.”
“Did you just call me unreasonable, Bert?”
“Me? I said ‘someone,’ are you feeling guilty about something?”
“You little……”
“Cassion.”
What manners are these in front of food? When I quietly glared at Cassion while calling his name, he shut his mouth immediately as he was about to growl at the butler.
“Thank you for preparing dinner even though it’s late. I’ll eat now.”
“Not at all! Please take your time. Your stomach must be upset, it would be terrible to eat hastily.”
“Alright, I’ll make sure to chew thoroughly. You can all leave now.”
Though I ordered with a bright smile, everyone’s expressions as they left looked like they were seeing the most pitiful thing in the world. To think my killer smile would be treated like this. I was somewhat shocked and tilted the spoon I was holding.
“……Don’t tell me I look really ugly?”
“What nonsense are you talking about, Asilia? Let’s eat before the food gets cold.”
Right. I still need to eat. But what can I do about this shock?
“Now tell me what happened at the Imperial Palace.”
I changed the subject to forget about my swollen eyes. This is why I sent all the servants away.
“As I said earlier, nothing special happened. There were some who gossiped behind my back without knowing their place, and His Majesty the Emperor thought well of our honeymoon. He said we should travel around many regions, see the land, and enjoy ourselves.”
“Oh!”
Cassion calmly chewed his meat. But I put down what I was about to eat and exclaimed. Could it be!
“Could it be that he’s planning to grant us territory soon?!”
“Territory?”
“A ducal territory! It’s strange to specifically tell us to look at regions and land during our honeymoon, isn’t it? Maybe he’ll give us whichever land we choose!”
“Until recently, they didn’t even see me as a proper duke, how could they give territory so soon?”
“But things have changed a lot. Including the princes’ situation. If the Second Prince becomes Crown Prince, you’ll be the future Emperor’s right-hand man – how can you not have territory?”
“Hmm….. You think so?”
“How did the Empress react?”
“That woman – you can’t tell anything from her surface expressions. She must have suspected a connection with the person searching for Lorang when she heard about the honeymoon, but she didn’t even raise an eyebrow.”
“If it had shown on her face, she would have been caught long ago in matters of greater importance.”
I resumed eating while deep in thought.
“Still, even the Empress can’t openly target us yet. We’ll need to be more careful once we leave the capital, but……”
“Leave it to me. Come to think of it, it would be better and faster to ride the same horse to protect you – I made you do something unnecessary.”
“Does that mean we’ll ride together the whole time we travel?”
Please. I didn’t want to take riding lessons again. Not only was I scared, but I was also embarrassed thinking that seeing the horse at the training ground would remind me of today’s sobbing.
“Yes.”
“Then I don’t need to practice horseback riding anymore?!”
“You still need to, Asilia. Practice a little more while riding with me. Even riding together requires technique to endure long periods. And in case of emergency, you need to know how to ride alone, even if briefly.”
“……”
“……Ahem. This is delicious. Want some?”
“……My heart can’t be swayed by delicious food.”
I rarely fell into despair. Suddenly, Jenin became more admirable.
