I Pray That You Forget Me - Chapter 107
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
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Johann believed that honest dialogue would work with a straightforward man, but the Major was far from being honest. Johann didn’t know this because he had never dealt with the Major before.
As I was secretly picking at my hangnails under the table, Johann’s hand clasped mine, intertwining our fingers.
“It’s a dangerous time for the weak to possess something precious. But even if my life is threatened, I will not give up my wife.”
Johann, please stop.
I squeezed his hand tightly enough to hurt myself, but he continued speaking.
“If you want Rize, you should win her heart instead of trying to take her husband’s life. Do it fairly. Of course, I know you lack the confidence to do that, which is why you resort to cowardly methods.”
To say such things to a military officer…
The Major glared at Johann with a look of incredulity, as if to assess how far he would go. I wondered what he would do the moment Johann finished speaking.
I glanced around at the other soldiers at the table, feeling cold fear wash over me. Just a moment ago, they had united to tear into Johann when he told them to refrain from making cruel comments.
Now, they were pretending not to notice as Johann confronted their senior officer. One officer even made eye contact with me, giving a subtle look of pity before turning away with a bitter smile.
‘Are they not on the Major’s side?’
As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I lost focus. Johann’s next words were so surprising that they overshadowed everything else.
“I know the earlier toast was aimed at me.”
…Was the Major’s toast directed at Johann?
“You insinuated that I am unworthy and that I’m avoiding retrieving Rize’s memories, and now you’re slandering me in front of everyone.”
Was that meant to target Johann?
“…If you’re a husband who does not help his wife recover what she has lost, it suggests you love yourself more than your wife. One might even question whether you truly love her at all.”
No. Johann wanted to help me regain my memories because he loved me. Those memories were like poison in our relationship.
But I ultimately found that memory on my own.
‘But did you truly avoid helping me regain my memories out of love? Even if you didn’t want to lose me, that just means you didn’t want to lose the part of me that resembles Dana. So even if you love me, in the end….’
I drank the poison of my own thoughts.
‘No, Johann said he loves Rize too.’
This came from the man who had just lied so convincingly.
“I’ve been accused of avoiding helping Rize find her memories because I’m not honorable…”
Johann, it’s true that you’re avoiding helping me regain my memories because you feel unworthy.
Lying to the Major is certainly justifiable. So my disappointment in Johann stems from the realization that he is incredibly good at lying.
“From insinuation to slander, and now you’re making the absurd claim that I am not Rize’s husband.”
Oh, that’s right. The Major had said something similar.
“That kind of man is hardly a husband. He simply holds on to a poor woman, shackling her in marriage and exploiting her like livestock.”
Johann is indeed my husband, but…
I found myself absentmindedly fiddling with the ring on my left hand.
He is my husband, but he didn’t marry me out of love, did he? He probably just wanted to turn me into Dana…
“Shackling her in marriage and exploiting her like livestock.”
No, that’s not true. Johann isn’t exploiting me. No, no, no.
I sleep with Johann because I want to. I’m with him because I want to be by his side. So if I want him, it doesn’t mean he’s using me… right?
My heart couldn’t overpower my mind, no matter what. Love is something you feel, not something you understand. So every time I try to understand Johann with reason, my eyes, far removed from love, will always end in utter defeat.
The more I reflect, the more painful the realization becomes.
No matter how much I struggle to erase Dana from Johann’s heart, even if I miraculously achieve my dream, the past where Johann deceived me won’t change.
I may be a foolish woman in love with a man who deceived me, but I’m not so foolish that I can forget or overlook that fact. My imperfect nature was a curse.
Johann says he loves Rize. He loves Rize too!
I screamed at my mind, which kept retracing the past I wanted to forget, but my cries became increasingly meaningless. Johann held my trembling hand tighter, completely unaware of the true reason behind my shaking.
Get a grip. This isn’t the time for that.
I couldn’t let myself cry in front of others. One mistake in front of the Major was enough. I steeled my gaze and lifted my head.
‘Gasp…’
I locked eyes with the Major. At that moment, a sudden realization sent chills down my spine.
How did the Major know Johann married me with impure intentions to say such things?
“You claim to be close with Brigitta Ratz, yet you’re trying to use the same slander as her.”
…What is he talking about?
“That I married Rize to hide that I prefer men. That’s the slander I’m referring to.”
