I Pray That You Forget Me - Chapter 15
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
read more chapters on luna kofi
Johann looked at me with bewildered eyes, but he didn’t deny it.
“You do like men?”
Only then did he sigh and speak.
“No, it’s not that. Just hearing such absurd things from you left me momentarily speechless.”
“But… It’s not absurd. You said no during the day, to avoid being dragged to the battlefield, but the truth is, there’s something strange about you.”
“What do you mean by something strange?”
“You’re not like an ordinary man, not like an ordinary husband.”
Johann couldn’t deny it. I sat up, facing him, and made a promise.
“Johann, I’ll keep your secret until the end. So, please be honest with me. I’m your wife, after all.”
Johann looked at me again with a bewildered face. This time, he seemed to hesitate, lips twitching as if contemplating whether to confess.
Is it finally happening?
I hid my sadness, forced a cheerful voice, and asked.
“Is it true?”
However, Johann, as if suggesting that I was talking nonsense, chuckled.
“Rize, I don’t like men.”
“Really?”
“Yes, I swear to God.”
A sigh of relief escaped me without needing further questions. This faithful man would never lie to God.
“And, in all honesty and willing to be punished by God, the person I’ve loved all my life is only you.”
I didn’t understand why such a confession had to come with the readiness to face punishment from God, but I was simply glad. It was the first time I realized that I was the only woman in Johann’s life.
However, not all the doubts that led to misunderstandings were cleared.
“Then why don’t we share our love?”
It wasn’t just about sharing a bed. He wouldn’t hold my hand unless it was a moment that required it, wouldn’t embrace me when I felt cold, and far from deep kisses, he wouldn’t even give me a cheek kiss that others did as a casual greeting. Johann seemed to lack a physical way to express love to me.
Upon hearing my words, Johann looked at me with a helpless face, then took a deep breath, exhaled, and spoke.
“In reality…”
But his determination didn’t last long. As soon as he opened his mouth, he closed it again, and he looked at me as if gauging something.
How did I appear to him right now? I suddenly thought of the expression Johann had worn in front of the women who desired him and asked.
“Did I also look repulsive when I tried to approach you, wanting to sleep with you, like the other women?”
“Of course not.”
Johann said that when I wanted him, he didn’t know what to do with himself because he was overflowing with emotions. I couldn’t understand such thoughts from Johann and didn’t know what to do about it.
“Why do you want to make love with me?”
He asked me with eyes that simultaneously showed excitement and fear.
“Why are you asking such an obvious question?”
“Well, you didn’t used to be like this. Why, all of a sudden… and especially with me?”
Though I still couldn’t comprehend Johann’s question, my answer wasn’t different, whether he understood me or not.
“Because I love you.”
I held Johann’s hand, clenched around the rosary, and looked into his trembling eyes. His hand was cold.
“That’s why I want to hold your hand, hug you, and…”
This time, I pressed my cheek against Johann’s chest, which was as firm as a rock. Thump, thump. The rough beats of his heart resonated in my ears.
“Kiss you…”
I explored his chest with my lips, moving upwards. When my lips touched his neck, a surge of excitement pulsated through his veins. However, he didn’t push me away.
I immediately swallowed his lips. Though his hands were cold, his breath was warm. Johann silently accepted my kiss, but as I pulled away, he tried to capture my lips again, seemingly disappointed.
Yet, just before touching, he hesitated and firmly closed his mouth. Why does he still hold back?
“I want to do everything that only lovers can do.”
My hand, which had been holding his cheek, somehow moved down to his sweaty neck, then to his chest that was expanding and contracting beneath my touch. But my audacity only went this far, stopping right below his navel.
“But why me…?”
Johann, still not touching me, with eyes shaking even more, continued to ask what seemed obvious.
“Why only me…?”
“Because you’re the only man I love.”
Rattle!
Johann, who had been holding the rosary this whole time, let it roll on the wooden floor with an echoing sound.
“I love you too. The one I love is only you.”
Johann transformed. He embraced me tightly and passionately poured out his confession of love into my ear. Now, there was no hesitation at all; his body and voice were trembling.
“I love you. I would even abandon my faith for you.”
The current Johann was desperate. Why does he love me like a defeated man prepared for death?
“Huh….”
Whenever I thought he was still strange, it vanished from my mind as my senses became blurred by the hot, desire-filled kiss.
‘Gasp…’
As I embraced him, my hand slipped further down and began to grasp onto something solid.
Overwhelmed by the intensity of Johann’s desire for me, I couldn’t help but feel both delighted and unsure of what to do.
