I Pray That You Forget Me - Chapter 74
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
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“Today was the best day.”
“Really?”
Johann asked with a tone of disbelief, which was understandable. It was hard to believe for me too.
From the nightmare that my man loved another woman, to a different man coupling with a woman like a dog in front of me, and the scenes of death—whether hallucinations or memories—it was the worst start to a day.
But the ending was fantastic, and the very end was the best.
“You said you’re always mad about me, more than it seems. Do you know how thrilling that is? You don’t know how crazy happy that makes me feel.”
I was chattering away excitedly, but Johann was silent. Thinking he might have fallen asleep, I closed my mouth. That’s when he asked.
“Is it really enough for you that I’m mad about you to be happy?”
“Of course.”
I answered immediately, but it seemed it wasn’t enough for Johann.
“Because you have to do laundry by hand since we have no maid, and instead of living in a mansion, we live in a one-room apartment with drafts…”
He kept comparing our life to one we didn’t have, asking if I was happy living in poverty.
“Having a maid and a mansion would be nice.”
No one would deny wealth if they had the option, and Johann would know it was a lie if I said I didn’t mind not having them.
“But I’m not unhappy without them. In fact, I’d be miserable if I had everything but didn’t have you. I need you to be happy.”
Johann was silent for so long I thought he might have fallen asleep again, but then he spoke in a deep, heartfelt voice.
“…Thank you.”
I’m not sure what’s wrong with such obvious words, but Johann was profoundly grateful.
“And… I’m really sorry.”
I couldn’t understand why he felt sorry. Perhaps he regretted that he couldn’t give me a life as the lady of a mansion with many servants. But the life I chose was as a teacher’s wife, and I was very satisfied with my choice.
And today, like every day, I had a thoroughly satisfying day with the man I chose. Yet, at the end of this perfect day, another woman appeared to threaten my happy day.
“Last warning. Forget all your feelings for Dana.”
Dana, Dana, always Dana. My brain seems obsessed with Dana.
And then, mysteriously, it began showing me the continuation of last night’s dream.
So here I am, returned to the moment I almost spoke up, a moment I wanted to return to just yesterday. I really wanted to hear what Johann would say about another woman.
“Alright, I admit it. I haven’t forgotten Dana.”
But that was yesterday, and today I didn’t want to hear it… Why must I endure this?
I wanted to cover my ears from the agony, but in the dream, I couldn’t even move my hands. Helplessly, I had to listen to my man talking about another woman.
“And that’s your fault, not mine.”
It’s just a dream, it’s not real. I shouldn’t dwell on it, just let it go.
“If Dana had only been happy, I would have forgotten everything.”
“No, you wouldn’t have forgotten everything. Who are you blaming? Even before you came between us, you…”
“Get your words right. You’re the one who put me between you two. Weren’t you confident then? Why the insecurity now? That’s because you haven’t handled things well.”
“What did I fail at?”
“Does Dana look happy to you? Does this life seem like what she wanted?”
“We can’t help it now. Dana knows that too. And she volunteered for this, risking her own life. So what do you have to say?”
“What about me?”
“……”
“If it’s about Dana’s life, I think I have a right to be involved, don’t I?”
“……”
“You’re doing all this just to take Dana away from me…”
Johann stopped talking and shut his mouth. It was because at that moment, he and I accidentally made eye contact.
‘Oh no…’
And just like Johann in that instant, I was startled and woke up from my dream.
I snapped my eyes open. I should see nothing but darkness; Johann should be soundly asleep next to me, his eyes would be invisible to me.
Yet, here I was, making direct eye contact with him.
The look Johann gave me in the dream, at the moment our eyes met, didn’t vanish with the dream. It was just a moment, a breath so brief I shouldn’t have been able to catch it. So why has it imprinted so deeply in my mind?
Because of that, I could vividly, clearly perceive the emotions that had filled Johann’s eyes:
Surprise, shame, and fear.
At that moment when his eyes met mine, he looked utterly dismayed, as if he was at a loss. So, loving Dana was a secret that should never have been uncovered by me.
‘No, Dana is just a figment of my imagination.’
But, Johann was definitely ‘caught’ by me.
Up until that moment, I couldn’t cover my ears or run away; I thought I was not there, like an audience outside the stage.
But I was there. In the dream, Johann saw me clearly.
