I Pray That You Forget Me - Chapter 83
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
read more chapters on luna kofi
Meanwhile, Mrs. Hildebrandt, seemingly quick to notice the subtleties, felt simultaneously grateful and troubled by Johann’s help.
She likely didn’t want to appear as if she was exploiting a well-respected local teacher and resident like a servant. That’s probably why she chose to stand outside in the chilly air, instead of sitting comfortably in her car.
The discomfort everyone felt, though unspoken, was palpable in the tense atmosphere of the street.
“Frank.”
While peering into the engine, Johann looked up and called out to an elderly man across the street who had caught his eye.
“I’m not good with these things.”
Immediately, the old man waved his hands dismissively, attempting to retreat to his backyard.
“It’s not that. Could I borrow some tools?”
“Ah…”
Though reluctant, the man agreed to lend Johann some worn tools after he asked. Johann took the tools and began tightening, loosening, and tapping somewhere on the still machine before he forcefully turned a protruding crank on the front of the car.
‘It looks like he’s done this before. A car is a luxury we poor can’t afford…’
Just as I felt my man becoming more of a stranger, he suddenly seemed all too familiar.
Thud.
Suddenly, a car in my thoughts made an ominous sound and stopped in the middle of the road. It wasn’t Mrs. Hildebrandt’s car; it was ours.
In this strangely familiar vision, I wasn’t outside the car but in the passenger seat. Johann, who was in the driver’s seat, got out to open the engine hood. He rolled up his sleeves and worked on the machine, turning the crank with veins bulging on his forearm.
Just like now.
“Damn it…”
But the engine wouldn’t start, and he muttered a curse, something Johann never usually does.
That man isn’t Johann.
This scene that suddenly popped into my head must be a delusion. My goodness, my mind must be really broken…
“Damn it…”
When the engine failed to start, Johann in front of me muttered something he would never normally say. Like Johann in my delusion.
This isn’t a delusion.
It’s a memory.
I was certain. Johann wouldn’t act as he did in my delusion, but acting according to memory makes sense.
Yes, I only suffered a head injury; I’m not mentally ill, hallucinating vividly in broad daylight.
This is a definite memory. It’s like the horrifying scene of a soldier stepping on a landmine; it doesn’t fade over time and can be recalled at any moment.
‘I want to see more.’
But the memory ends there. I can’t recall what happened afterward, where we started from, where we were heading, what we were doing, or when it was. No matter how hard I try, nothing else comes to mind.
From Johann’s face, which seemed healthier and more refined but not noticeably younger, I guess it’s not an old memory.
‘What about the season? The place?’
I tried to continue delving into the scene I remembered, but it wasn’t clear enough to make any detailed guesses.
‘Johann would know.’
It’s a memory shared with him. But he’s too busy right now for me to ask.
‘I’ll have to ask later. Johann will be happy too.’
I’m recovering a memory. According to the doctor, the injured part of me is healing.
‘I wish you didn’t remember anything.’
…Would Johann dislike it?
‘Not knowing anything can be a cure.’
Because memory can also be a poison.
‘But this isn’t a sad memory.’
Wouldn’t Johann be happy that I remembered? It seems like a precious memory of just the two of us.
Were we on a trip? Did we have a car? We must have been quite well-off.
I want to know about our past. Johann said not to ask, but I want to ask.
With my heart pounding, I clutched my chest and eagerly waited for the repair to finish.
“I’ll adjust the lever, try turning the crank.”
But it wasn’t going well; Johann tried various things before finally climbing into the driver’s seat himself. He looked sophisticated holding the steering wheel with one hand, just like in my memory, which made me unable to look away.
Perhaps sensing my gaze, Johann turned his eyes towards me.
Our eyes met. But it was only for a moment. Johann quickly looked away again.
‘He avoided my gaze.’
It seems the more the current scenery blurs, the clearer the newly surfaced memory becomes. We were wearing the same clothes, in the same car, but the circumstances were different.
The scene I just recalled seemed to follow the previous memory where we had fixed the car and were once again on our way somewhere.
Neither Johann nor I spoke. The silence felt awkward, yet for some reason, conversation seemed even more uncomfortable, so I kept my mouth shut. Johann appeared to feel the same.
‘It doesn’t seem like a happy memory…’
We were sitting side by side in the same car, yet it seemed like we both wanted to avoid each other. Nevertheless, we occasionally glanced at each other from the corners of our eyes.
Then, unfortunately, our eyes met at the same moment.
At that instant, Johann looked away as if caught in wrongdoing. In this memory, he seemed like someone who had committed a great sin against me, while I felt regret but not as if I had done anything wrong.
