I Pray That You Forget Me - Chapter 87
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
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Fooled by my lies, Johann finally stopped asking for reasons.
“You must be in a lot of pain. I’ll give you some painkillers later.”
He applied thick layers of ointment to the blisters on my hand and wrapped a new bandage around it, looking deeply troubled. He insisted I do nothing today, even feeding me dinner himself without allowing me to lift a spoon.
“I’ll stay awake. If there’s an air raid alert, I’ll wake you up, so don’t worry and get some rest.”
He then laid me down in bed early. Whether he intended to keep watch or just comfort me, Johann joined me in bed and sat beside me, patting me gently like a baby.
“My poor love…”
He loves me while loving another woman. How? Why? How is that possible?
“Johann.”
I finally voiced a dangerous question that might shatter our peace forever.
“How did we end up getting married?”
“Because we loved each other.”
Again with this.
“Not why, but how did we get married?”
At that moment, Johann showed a troubled expression. What once seemed like a shy face now looked guilty. Johann’s guilt must be for deceiving me and marrying me while loving another woman.
“I proposed, and you said yes.”
Despite his guilt, he added another sin by lying again.
Why is it that this skilled liar can’t make this particular lie convincing enough to deceive me? Why? For what purpose? For whom? I should be the one asking these questions, but instead, Johann asked me.
“Why are you asking this today?”
“I’m curious.”
Why did you marry me and not Dana?
This was the real question I wanted to ask. Once I acknowledged that Johann still couldn’t forget another woman, I became consumed by this question.
Why didn’t Johann marry Dana? Why did he marry me?
Even if Dana was already in a relationship and couldn’t marry him, that didn’t mean he had to marry me instead. He didn’t have to do such a cruel thing to me.
Even if there were reasons, why is he still maintaining this sham marriage with a woman he no longer loves? I, who can hardly do anything and am often bedridden with pain, am nothing but a burden to him.
Only Johann knows the answer, and I can’t ask him, so I’ve been searching for my own reasons by examining the few fragments of memories I have. Maybe the past me knew the answer too.
“What am I to you?”
Johann, what are you to Dana?
“At least when it comes to Dana’s life, I think I have a right to be involved. Don’t you think?”
What happened? Did you somehow save Dana’s life?
“You’re asking this just to make me let go of Dana…”
Somehow, this seemed like it could be a clue to why Johann married me instead of Dana. But of all times, I was caught eavesdropping.
‘What was he going to say next?’
I tried to piece it together, but my thoughts wouldn’t move forward. Suddenly, a wave of drowsiness hit me, whether from the morphine I took before bed or from Johann’s drowsy voice reciting poetry like a lullaby.
“Forget, as the once-golden flames have faded away. Forever, forever forget.”
Because of that, the more I was told to forget, the more it became hard to let go of the thought.
Johann, why did you marry me?
Eventually, I found the answer in a dream, or rather, in a memory.
“Keep it a secret from Rupert.”
“Don’t worry. I’m an accomplice too.”
I faintly heard a man and woman whispering. Although I didn’t know who the woman was, I recognized from the voice that the man was Johann. I approached the window through which the conversation leaked out.
“Ah, Dana…”
A man with a wife is unashamedly committing infidelity with a woman who has a lover, without even closing the window. I saw clearly through the glass and heard distinctly through the gaps.
Johann was kissing the woman sitting across from him on the bed and was slowly undressing her. The Dana I could only see from behind had bright, sun-like blonde hair and a smaller build than mine.
“Ah, my God…”
Johann, having completely undressed Dana, admired her bare body form with awe, his eyes scanning over her body. The wedding ring we shared gleamed from his hand as he reverently touched her pale b*****s.
“Hmm…”
Dana had a large bust for her small frame, but there was a certain rawness about her. Johann handled her soft, youthful flesh with the caution one might use with something fragile, as if it might burst at any moment.
“Ah, this is the softest thing I’ve ever felt.”
“Johann, my body is yours now. So do whatever you want, as much as you want, ah!”
Just as he had with me, Johann lavished attention on Dana’s b*****s, kissing and worshiping her body. Then, as Dana spread her thin thighs wide open in front of him, Johann looked down at her as if he were witnessing the gates of paradise opening.
‘Johann, please don’t go that far. If you just stop at this point, I might be able to forgive you. Please…’
