I Want To Die One Day Before You - Chapter 119
Sarubia touched Rufus’s tear-stricken face. Tears were swirling in her eyes too. Yet, she couldn’t help but smile.
She was happy.
Just the thought of being able to take away some of his sorrow made her feel happy.
“Think about what you’ve done in my life.”
To me, who was destined to wear the same clothes all my life, sweep dust with a broom all my life, live alone in a damp-smelling attic all my life, and never be noticed by anyone, leading a dull and unremarkable life.
“I was living an unchanging today and facing a hopeless tomorrow.”
When you found me, my path began to shine.
“You made me look forward to waking up the next morning.”
The closer I got to you, the more our body temperatures intertwined, the more our breaths mingled.
For the first time, I was grateful to be alive.
“I can’t conform to a future without you.”
Sarubia wiped away Rufus’s tears.
I wanted to cry.
But I couldn’t help but smile.
Just the thought of being with the person I love at this very moment, overwhelmed by uncontrollable happiness, made me smile inadvertently.
“So I will always be on your side, no matter what you do.”
My place is by your side.
I will never leave you alone.
If you go blind, I will give you my sight.
If your tongue is cut, I will give you my voice.
If your heart freezes, I will give you my warmth.
My beloved.
Until you close your eyes and die, I will not leave your side.
To ensure you do not cry, to keep you smiling until the end…
I will stay by your side.
Rufus.
I want to live longer than you.
Even just one day, even just for one day…
“…I want to live even just one day longer than you.”
Sarubia kissed Rufus’s tears.
“I will always stand by your side until you die… I will protect you.”
Rufus’s trembling arms fell onto Sarubia’s back.
After hesitating for a long time, Rufus hugged Sarubia. Burying his head on her shoulder, he took deep breaths, his breath filling up to his chin, and tightly closed his eyes.
“It’s okay.”
Sarubia whispered again in Rufus’s ear.
“You are a better person than you think. I know it.”
Her gentle touch soothed the wounded man’s back.
Beneath the breath he forcefully held, Rufus desperately clung to the warm embrace that cradled him.
It felt like he was dying.
If he couldn’t reach her, he felt like he would suffocate and die on the spot.
If he couldn’t affirm her existence, he felt like he couldn’t endure any longer.
Without her, finding a reason to exist seemed impossible.
He finally poured out his emotions like a child.
“……”
Sarubia quietly observed Rufus being swayed by his emotions. She loved even this aspect of him.
Without saying a word, she waited for Rufus to calm down.
How much time had passed?
“Lord Rufus.”
Sarubia softly called his name as he lay collapsed in her arms.
“……”
There was no reply.
“There’s no answer, Lord Rufus.”
“……Why did you call?”
His voice was hoarse.
Sarubia chuckled softly.
“I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“It’s not even pleasant to hear.”
“If it’s yours, Lord Rufus, I like it.”
“……”
Rufus, still enveloped in Sarubia’s arms, bowed his head again.
It was warm.
He wanted to stay in her embrace. He wanted to cool his throbbing head caused by complicated circumstances.
Sarubia played with Rufus’s hair.
“Really, stop being so childish. You’re older than me, after all.”
“That’s true.”
Yet Rufus burrowed deeper into her embrace.
“I’m supposed to be more adult than you… yet you make me feel like a foolish child.”
Sarubia chuckled as she stroked his hair.
“A foolish child, exactly right. Then I won’t call you ‘Lord Rufus’. I’ll just call you ‘Rufus’.”
“……”
“Is it okay to just call you Rufus?”
Rufus.
That was how Sarubia in his past life used to call him. Without any formal titles, just his name.
“……You’ll be arrested.”
“What?”
“Calling a noble’s name so casually, you might get arrested.”
As Rufus rested his head in her lap, he slowly raised his head. Sarubia, meeting his gaze, grinned broadly.
“Go ahead and arrest me. My husband is the heir to a Baron’s title.”
“Who’s that?”
“Who knows? Wasn’t it someone who always tells women that the flowers in his hometown are beautiful?”
“Women? I’ve flirted with only you.”
At Rufus’s reply, Sarubia slyly smiled.
“Is that so? You have unique tastes. Out of all the women, you approached only me.”
“My taste is exactly you.”
“Oh, thank you. But you’re not my type.”
“……”
“Just kidding.”
Sarubia chuckled again. She briefly straightened the hem of her skirt and pointed to her lap.
“Do you want to lie down?”
“……You really know how to handle me.”
Rufus sighed deeply and laid his head on Sarubia’s lap.
Under the moonlight filtering through the gaps in the trees, Sarubia’s hair fluttered softly.
While gently stroking Rufus’s hair, Sarubia sang.
If I die,
I will become a single drop of rain,
To wash away your tears.
