Pherenike - Chapter 59

“If dying were easy, I wouldn’t have worried so much.”

“……”

“If death is the end, then there’s a limit to the pain one can endure.”

Pherenike let out a dry laugh.

“You said it’s okay to disappear without anyone knowing, yet you seem very worried about the child.”

“I was talking about you and your child. That there could be no end to the suffering for you both.”

“……”

“Ever since you told me you were having a child, not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought about it.”

It was a soft confession. He also confessed that it was mostly about her.

Because he was a foolish man who only thought about what was in front of him.

“What I fear is that, Pherenike.”

“……”

“That you, not me, will pay the price for having you by my side.”

Suddenly, it felt like a winter breeze had brushed through her chest. Pherenike clenched her hands inside the wool blanket. Her fingertips scraped the bed, ruining the tips of her weak nails. But she felt no pain.

She didn’t want to hear such words. Pherenike resolved not to face him, but her curled-up body seemed rigidly oriented towards him.

Before she made a spectacle of herself, she asked him in a small voice,

“……Do you usually imagine this about me?”

“There are many kinds of imaginations.”

He spoke meaningfully, though his tone wasn’t particularly significant.

“Those dark, gloomy stories about how you’d ruin me if you were my enemy.”

“Ah.”

“Like a plan to kill me.”

“I swear it’s the first time.”

Actor placed his hand over his heart as he spoke. Pherenike scoffed. Following her meaningless laughter, he smiled and whispered as if sharing a secret.

“……In truth, I wished the child you were carrying was a daughter.”

“……”

“I wish your child a happy life amidst finite pain.”

Not a life like mine or Deucalion’s.

Pherenike told him she wouldn’t have any more children.

The reason was simple. He easily accepted her single word of refusal. He also casually responded to her declaration that this would be her first and last child.

Indeed, it was so. Even if she wanted, she couldn’t have more. Every day, she felt how strenuously the child clung to her womb, struggling to survive before even being born.

“This is your only chance to have a successor from your queen. Yet you still wish for a daughter?”

“Yes.”

The successor to the king that his subjects so desperately wanted. The prince to meet the world’s expectations. He spoke as if he needed something to love, not a prince to bear all that weight.

Wishing for a lifetime of happiness. Hoping for a life free from pain.

And actually having the possibility of such a life.

“Even if a daughter holds no particular value?”

“Because she is born of you.”

“……”

“She deserves to be loved.”

By whom? Pherenike couldn’t bring herself to ask Actor.

Giving birth to a prince would be the final piece solidifying her place in Lykke. She had already been siphoning a lot of information from Actor’s subordinates.

But to the Thasos family, it would be considered another major threat, and ultimately, it would not be favorable for Deucalion either.

And a princess wouldn’t be particularly valuable to Actor’s people who desperately wanted an heir. Instead, she would be of no value for their enemies to bother with as well.

Even considering the pros and cons like evaluating an object, there was no answer. Pherenike didn’t want a prince or a princess anyway. In truth, it didn’t matter to her.

The child was a yoke the goddess had placed on her head and something that gnawed at her soul every day. She wouldn’t give such a terrible thing a second glance once it left her body.

“Then, will you take another woman to your bed afterward?”

“……”

“I was advised recently. Since I’m pregnant, I should find someone else to warm your bed.”

“Who gave you that damned advice?”

“So His Majesty would be satisfied.”

“I am quite satisfied already. The name of the advisor?”

She would never answer his dangerously harsh questioning. In fact, Ino was quite a good advisor. Among those who suggested finding another woman for her husband, Ino was uniquely considerate.

First, to protect Pherenike’s body and the child, and second, to keep the king’s women under the shadow of the queen.

According to Ino, if a blemish would eventually form in any form, it was better to choose and bear it oneself. Even if the woman taking the husband’s bed was detestable, it was better that she listened to her rather than to others. It was also a way to prove the husband had a big heart.

Pherenike didn’t even hate ‘that woman.’ She wouldn’t mind even if Actor was with another woman right in front of her eyes. Even if the sight was disgustingly unbearable, it seemed it wouldn’t stir a single wave in her heart. As long as that woman didn’t cause any trouble.

So it was a matter unrelated to her.

“Tell me.”

“It doesn’t matter whose mouth gave the advice. I also won’t mind if you desire another woman.”

“Is it true that you heard from someone?”

Actor quietly twisted his lips. His mocking face was icy.