Pherenike - Chapter 74

Pherenike knew that no matter how much time passed, she could never see the Princess as a gift. It was clear it wouldn’t even be remotely beautiful or vain.

But to Actor, it was evidently a magnificent gift.

The King, as before, frequently checked on and worried about his wife’s health. However, he did not stay in the Queen’s quarters as often. His visits became somewhat less frequent, and when he did visit, he did not stay the night.

Because he fell asleep beside his young daughter.

The sentinel had moved away. In his world, nothing was more fragile or closer to death than Leuce.

He definitely desired a daughter, not a son. Because the suffering is short and finite, but after having a daughter so prone to dying in his arms, he was at a loss.

“…I sometimes fear that if my hands were to drop her, she would just die.”

“Then don’t hold her.”

“I cannot not hold her.”

“Then be prepared to kill her while holding her.”

Pherenike responded nonchalantly, but the austere man seemed not to hear, gazing instead at his daughter in his arms.

“Pherenike. Do you know that this child’s eyes are really just like yours?”

And then he would say something as foolish as that.

‘I know. I’ve grown tired of hearing it, as you’ve seen.’

‘It’s others who have worn you with it, not me.’

‘So, are you going to wear me out with your share now?’

‘Probably. Until I’m tired of it.’

Probably? It was a half-hearted response as he looked at Leuce. Locking eyes with Leuce, he whispered as if to her, but added something for her insufficient mother.

‘If I could live forever, I’d never tire of it.’

Forever.

‘You can’t live forever.’

‘Then it will just be new until the day I die.’

And until the day he dies.

He spoke as if nothing really mattered, not noticing for a while that she did not continue the conversation.

Pherenike watched the profile of the man gazing dreamily at the child.

‘…What’s so great about the child resembling me? At best, there are two parents, and the child is bound to resemble one of them.’

‘At best, there are two parents.’

It was a response that didn’t make sense. He continued to speak fluidly, as if not fully aware.

‘I like the phrase ‘one of the two’. It means this child was destined to resemble either you or me.’

‘…’

‘At least for this child, all of this landscape is natural.’

‘Isn’t it natural for us too?’

She asked out of obligation, and laughed at herself out of habit. Actor shrugged indifferently.

‘You still don’t know that I stole you.’

Pherenike looked at him quietly before speaking.

‘I don’t remember becoming stolen goods.’

‘You weren’t mine.’

‘I wasn’t yours to begin with.’

‘I had no intention of keeping you. Knowing full well I’d throw you away the moment I got my hands on you.’

The man, looking at the child, would sometimes talk about anything to the child’s world, thinking it might alleviate his boredom. After all, the child couldn’t understand adult words yet.

When it was just the two of them, there were still nights he wouldn’t speak a word, but with the child between them, he tried not to let the silence stretch too long.

Just as he wanted to make the child laugh when the Princess was still in her mother’s womb.

According to him, every baby was like a poor prisoner trapped in a tiny jail-like body. If they can’t see or hear, it’s like covering the one window in their solitary cell.

And his Leuce was especially pitiable. Like a Princess condemned to harsh penalties, bearing an unjust accusation, yet destined to enjoy only the best of all things in the world.

At some point, warmth began to circulate in the man’s bland eyes, as if life had breathed into something lifeless, like leaves sprouting from a dead tree.

As if living beyond the life set out for him.

When he looked down at his daughter in their private moments, he was smiling at his daughter as if looking into a mirror.

Oddly enough, Actor at those times resembled Axiothea a great deal. Like his stepmother’s saying, becoming a parent was both a reward and a punishment bestowed upon a person.

He received a reward through Leuce and a punishment because of Leuce.

He was wandering somewhere where a few steps from joy lay hidden sorrow, fearing each moment of joy.

Yet, with just one smile from the child, he forgot everything else, as if he had finally possessed the whole world. Even though he was already the king of all Evdokia.

Pherenike sometimes had to make a tremendous effort not to capture certain moments. When the child immediately found her among people and smiled. When the briefly held daughter burrowed with her tiny nose into her chest, when the face of the child she put down turned momentarily to sorrow…

And after nearly thirty years, she realized the man was learning every expression of life from their daughter.

When the child suddenly crinkles her nose brow and laughs, he crinkled his nose and laughs. When the child cries sadly, even his stoic eyebrows seem to become a bit sad.