Pherenike - Chapter 78

Deucalion had watched over her lion for a very long time, treasuring it even more after Pherenike had gone. Indeed, Atalanta had also been fond of him. To them, the passing years seemed inconsequential.

“Kybellaune.”

“……”

“Nike.”

As if stepping unwittingly into a trap, the moment Pherenike took another step, Actor’s arm snatched her waist.

“…I was wrong.”

A gentle voice of apology fell over her head as her body was forcibly turned around.

While apologizing and referring to himself in a lofty manner, which stemmed from Pherenike calling him ‘Your Majesty,’ he essentially lowered himself to apologize to her.

And then, looking directly into Pherenike’s eyes as he would with his young daughter, he said,

“I understand that lion was incredibly precious to you.”

Pherenike let out a hollow laugh, suddenly realizing where her anger stemmed from.

“My words were rude.”

“……”

Initially, what Actor offered was merely a light gesture of goodwill. After all, kings are accustomed to viewing all things under heaven with a benevolent eye. He had done nothing wrong.

Pherenike briefly closed her eyes, finding Actor not the least bit hateful for a moment. There was something she despised even more.

She was angry at herself, always seething with rage and resentment.

Sometimes, the difficulty in facing everything wasn’t because what she saw was so disgusting. It was the disgust with her own eyes that saw it. The throat that inhaled the blissful breaths of the child, the feeling of being a mother, that cursed feeling. Like a sugar cube barely touching the tip of the tongue before falling away, leaving behind a faint sweetness as life passed by.

Whenever Pherenike found her child unavoidably endearing, she was repulsed by herself. It felt like theft.

All the best parts of my life should have been yours.

Time flowed equally over everyone’s heads, aging those strong and beautiful lions, allowing Leuce to be born and grow, and granting Atalanta as much time by Deucalion’s side as it had spent by hers.

“Pherenike.”

“……”

“It’s okay if you get angry or curse at me. But…”

“……”

“I don’t know what to do when you look this sad.”

Actor’s hand gently brushed her ear. The icy facade of the man, tall as a fortress wall, softened.

During this time, the man before her had learned so many expressions, while Deucalion was losing his. Because she had handed over to this man, her husband—the life that Deucalion should have rightfully enjoyed.

His rightful life with his wife. Their child. Nights spent looking down at their child together. Mornings seeing the universe in her eyes. The long stretches of her life wasted in Lykke. All those times that should have been his.

‘I want our first child to be a daughter, resembling you. Nike.’

The memory where they crossed the desert night. They were not in a position to have children then, and Deucalion always swallowed the medicine in her stead and held her.

He had taken his medicine that day too, but while lying entwined with her, dreaming, he said he wanted a daughter resembling her… A daughter like her was what he wanted during a time when it was impossible.

In truth, it was what he first wanted from her.

If all these years had been yours.

If I had taken your hand when you suggested we run away. Instead of desiring the life of Actor Nikandros…

Then, perhaps you too.

“Before I knew Leuce, I didn’t understand what precious meant.”

“……”

“So I spoke thoughtlessly of your precious lion. To me, only Leuce matters.”

He would never have known that preciousness. Nor the pain of missing the most precious thing in life right before his eyes.

Pherenike numbly pulled her arm away from Actor’s grasp.

She had committed theft. She stole the life from Deucalion and even herself, only to give it to a man destined to die.

Would such moments ever come to that child if he died?

All these moments now will remain Actor’s even after his death. Nothing will be returned to Deucalion.

That was the price for giving back a life he did not wish for.

Pherenike slowly raised her eyes that had been cast down and replied,

“I wasn’t sad. I just thought about it, and realized Atalanta doesn’t belong with us.”

“Your lion doesn’t harm people. There’s no need to keep her caged.”

Indeed, as he said, Atalanta was a lion not raised in captivity. She had lived freely in Paetusa.

“She’s better off with Deucalion. Paetusa offers her freedom. The people there have watched her grow up since she was young. They don’t mind where she roams.”

“……”

“Here at the palace, she wouldn’t be able to wander freely to her heart’s content. Everyone would panic at the sight of a lion on the loose.”

Actor watched her intently for a moment, then quietly agreed with a low voice.

“That’s true. She would be free in Paetusa.”