Please Forget Me - Chapter 124
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
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I had already broken my promise.
Johann must have anticipated this. However, looking back, I realized I hadn’t asked because I was shaken by the Major’s words. I had asked to refute the Major. Yet, as the Major predicted, Johann was indeed acting suspiciously.
“…But it’s true that you’re acting suspiciously.”
If he weren’t being suspicious, I wouldn’t have any reason to doubt him. Even the vague explanation that the meaning of the engraving on this ring would be too much for us all to handle was still highly suspect, so how could I not question him?
“It’s not because of the Major; it’s because you’re hiding so much. If you’re going to keep everything a secret, then please do it thoroughly. It would have been better if you had completely deceived me with lies from the beginning so I could be at ease.”
Is it really better to worry without knowing than to worry while knowing the truth? Either way, being anxious doesn’t change.
“This engraving alone is suspicious. You could have just fabricated something that matched the spelling. Then I would have gladly fallen for it.”
I hoped for a comfortable lie instead of an inconvenient truth. Any alternative would be better than the uncomfortable confusion I was feeling.
Johann lowered his head, fixing his bleak gaze on the floor, and sighed.
“I’m sorry. There were circumstances that made it impossible. I wanted to do that this time too, but I’m not good at lying. I’m sorry for being inadequate. I’ll try harder.”
I wanted him to give me the kind of lies that would comfort me.
How can he say he isn’t good at lying when he’s such a skilled liar? Why does he always falter in the lies I wish would bring me peace? I couldn’t understand what was happening.
“Anyway, I won’t make you do anything harmful. And whatever I do may seem suspicious on the surface, but in the end, it’s for your sake. So is it an unreasonable request for you to just trust me unconditionally and follow my lead?”
“…”
To trust him unconditionally was indeed a tall order. Johann had already proven himself to be an untrustworthy liar to me.
“…I’ll do as you say.”
But I could follow his lead. I had no choice. As long as I loved him and wanted to stay by his side.
“Rize…”
Johann wrapped his arms around me and gently stroked my back. It was then that I realized I was trembling.
“It’s okay. You’ll be fine.”
Johann could sense my fear and anxiety, but he couldn’t see what it was directed toward.
Johann, I’m afraid of you. You’re becoming increasingly unfamiliar.
I began to feel something was wrong, but I couldn’t let go of him.
“Johann.”
“Yes?”
“You… you do love me, right? Is it… okay to ask?”
“Anytime. And my answer will always be the same.”
Yes, that’s all I needed. That was enough for me.
As the trembling subsided, Johann finished trimming my last fingernail and even removed the tiny hangnails that I could have picked at before placing the scissors down.
* * *
When I came out of the bedroom dressed, Johann was sitting at the table with a few sheets of paper neatly arranged in front of him.
“Can you help me with something?”
The papers were for writing birthday cards for the kids in class whose birthdays were next month.
With a teacher as thoughtful and caring as him, it was no wonder everyone liked him. However, he usually wrote the cards himself, but today he asked me to do it instead.
“Is your hand hurting?”
I asked, and Johann sighed lightly before replying.
“I’m just tired.”
“Ah….”
Did I wear him out today? I sat down next to him without further comment and began to write as he dictated.
“Rize, you got this wrong. It should be wavy, not straight.”
“Ah….”
I was about to scribble over it when Johann snatched the paper away and threw it into the stove, handing me a new sheet and instructing me to start over.
“Are you really making me rewrite everything just because of one number? That paper was precious…”
“Let’s keep your mistake our little secret.”
“Ah….”
That’s true. It’s embarrassing for a grown-up to not write correctly.
“You almost became the punchline instead.”
This was a letter to be sent under Johann’s name. I imagined him taking the blame for my error. A composition teacher, no less.
I began rewriting without complaint.
“You need to draw a short line in the middle of the 7.”
“Ah, right.”
This time, I focused hard to avoid turning precious paper into black ash.
“Great. This time it’s perfect.”
Feeling like a student of Mr. Renner rather than Johann’s wife, I wrote the birthday cards for him when we heard loud knocks on the building’s door from downstairs, along with the village chief’s booming voice calling out our address.
“Eisenthal Strasse, number 12.”
The evening roll call time was approaching. The government must have felt that merely setting up checkpoints on the roads wasn’t sufficient, as they also conducted roll calls to check for any residents who might have snuck out.
We leaned out the window to see the road. After spotting us, the chief lifted his hunting cap slightly and greeted us.
“Mr. Renner, Mrs. Renner….”
He then marked an ‘X’ next to our names in his notebook before looking up to look for the next tenant.
The person who lived above us had passed away from the flu last week. So now, the only remaining residents in this building were us and Mrs. Becker.
