Please Forget Me - Chapter 148

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

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“You want me to comfort you with plausible lies, but I’ve never wanted you to lie to me just to ease my mind.”

He wants the difficult truth, not a convenient lie. But I couldn’t bring myself to say the hard truth, so I kept my mouth shut.

“Is the journal true?”

Even though Johann asked for me, I couldn’t answer.

“Rize, we both know that a journal can be fabricated if someone wanted to.”

…That’s true.

“So, I wanted to believe it was made up… but some parts are far too detailed to be mere fiction. It’s as if they were lived experiences.”

I swallowed hard, the sensation like swallowing a needle, leaving my throat raw.

“And other parts… they matched my own suspicions.”

Johann turned a few pages in the journal and tapped on an entry.

[…She kept asking the Major if it would feel unpleasant if the teeth grazed while performing oral? The Major angrily kicked her out, accusing her of trying to learn for Johann Renner’s sake.” ]

Realizing what Johann must have misunderstood, my tightly closed mouth flew open.

“I didn’t ask him to teach me anything! I only pretended to be curious to divert the Major’s attention. He kept interrogating me about the past to frame you as a homose-ual. I had to say something to change the topic….”

“So, it’s true that you were watching the two of them together.”

Once again, I was left speechless.

“Then, when you ran home crying and said you saw a soldier die stepping on a landmine—that was a lie, too.”

He flipped back to the first page and pointed at the initial entry. From there, he began pointing to each record in turn, asking me whether it was true or exaggerated.

I only spoke up to clarify when Brigitta had clearly embellished something or when it might cause Johann to misunderstand me as an unfaithful woman. By doing so, I had essentially admitted that the rest was true.

“Then this, too, must be true.”

Johann had maintained a calm demeanor throughout, but his composure was visibly cracking. I couldn’t bear to look at him, but even watching his fingertips trace the paper made it painfully obvious.

“Ha…”

As his hand fell away from the last page, he reached for his shirt collar, loosening the buttons that seemed to choke him. I sat trembling like someone awaiting judgment, my eyes fixed on his exposed throat as his Adam’s apple bobbed with a harsh swallow.

Finally, his voice broke through.

“So, the entire journal is true.”

Each tortured word escaped through clenched teeth, sounding to me like a death sentence.

“This day.”

Johann pointed to the last entry.

[…The Major once again covered my face and placed Rize in front of him, pretending to r-pe her for his amusement. That bastard strangled me when that b-tch wouldn’t respond. Anyway, he ended up sending me out first again today. I don’t know what happened after I left Rize alone with him. I saw her leave 20 minutes after me since the car was late today. From her expression, it seemed like the Major did something.]

Johann’s voice was cold and steady, yet his words struck like lightning.

“During those 20 minutes when you were left alone, what did the Major do to you?”

“Nothing happened….”

Crash. The soft sound of paper crumpling filled the air as the sheets he was gripping slipped to the floor. His hand shot forward, grabbing my chin. Forced to meet his gaze, I felt his eyes pierce straight into me—painful and terrifying all at once.

Unable to hold it back any longer, I broke into sobs, clutching him desperately.

“It’s not what you’re imagining. Nothing like that ever happened. I never sold my body—or even my smile—to that man. I was never anything but disgusted by his harassment.”

“Rize.”

“I swear to God, I’ve kept myself only for you. Please believe me. Please….”

“I’m not asking what you did. I’m asking what he did to you.”

“He didn’t do anything. The door to the room was always open, and anyone passing by could see. Ask the Corporal who brings the truck every morning. He knows.”

“Rize, I’ve just learned that the soldier has lied to me before.”

“Ah….”

“If you won’t tell me, I’ll have to go and ask him directly what happened to you in that room. Perhaps this time, he’ll be honest.”

The thought of Johann confronting someone else about such a humiliating topic was unbearable. Seeing him get up as if to leave, I instinctively grabbed his wrist.

“W-while I was cleaning the room….”

As the words began to escape me, shame and fear clamped down on my throat, silencing me. But Johann’s unrelenting, tense silence was somehow even scarier.

“He… he made lewd remarks….”

“And?”

“…And he… he touched himself.”

Johann’s fists clenched so tightly that his knuckles turned white, veins bulging as if they might burst at any moment. His pulse was racing so wildly that it seemed visible under his skin. Even if his voice didn’t show it, I could tell his fury.

“Today?”

“T-today as well….”

I realized that any further lies would only enrage him more. But I didn’t know what Johann might do when his anger truly boiled over.

My trembling voice gave way to the truth, and as soon as I admitted it, his clenched hand opened and darted toward me.

A long-forgotten memory of my grandmother slapping me flashed through my mind. Instinctively, I flinched and curled into myself, crying out.

“That’s really all there was!”