Please Forget Me - Chapter 149
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
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“Whether that’s all or not, it’s enough for me already.”
Johann didn’t hit me. He only searched through my skirt pocket. By the time I realized he was looking for the revolver, it was too late. He had already taken the gun from my pocket and was heading for the door.
“Johann!”
He was going to kill the Major.
“Please don’t!”
I rushed after him, grabbing onto his waist as he tried to open the door.
“I’m fine, please just stay calm.”
“How can you say you’re fine after all that! You went through that and I’m supposed to just stay calm?”
“Why do you think I hid it? I did it because I was worried about this! But if you go like this, then everything I’ve kept hidden from you, everything I did to protect you, will have been the right choice! How can I be honest with you if you do this?”
But Johann didn’t listen to me. He pushed me off and said coldly,
“Don’t follow me. Wait here.”
No, you won’t go back now.
As I watched his back retreat through the door, I had a sinking feeling that this would be the last time I’d see him. The sense of being left alone overwhelmed me, and I dropped to my knees on the hard wooden floor.
“I was wrong… Please, forgive me.”
Perhaps out of habit, I began to rub my hands together as I begged for forgiveness. In that instant, Johann’s steps stopped, and he turned to look at me. His face, once filled with rage, paled. I kept pleading.
“I was wrong. I won’t do it again, please, just forgive me once.”
“Get up. Why are you asking for forgiveness?”
Johann came back to me, trying to pull me up, but I clung to his legs, continuing to beg. I told him it was all my fault, that I would never do it again, and I asked for mercy. And then…
“Please don’t abandon me.”
It wasn’t just about the present moment, but also a lingering fear deep inside me, a fear I hadn’t been able to shake for a long time. I knew how ridiculous I looked, but I couldn’t stop myself. Johann, who had tried to stop me, finally gave in. Kneeling, he began to beg me instead.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who’s at fault. Why would I abandon you? The one who should be begging is me, not you.”
His confession, impossible to understand, made him pull me into his arms as he continued to beg.
“My love, please, don’t beg anymore.”
* * *
We stole glances at each other, our eyes and the corners of our mouths tinged red, like the sunset outside. The redness around our eyes was from tears. Of course, the cracked lips weren’t from tears.
In the end, Johann didn’t go to kill the Major. He picked me up, not stopping my pleading, and gently laid me on the bed. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and refused to let go.
Johann lay quietly beside me, but I wasn’t sure if he had truly changed his mind or if he was simply waiting for me to fall asleep. Despite being utterly exhausted, I couldn’t seem to fall asleep in his warm embrace.
“Why is life so hard…?”
I sighed, and just as my sadness seemed to fade, I noticed the sadness in Johann’s eyes deepening again.
“It’s because I’m lacking that you’re suffering. I’m sorry.”
I wasn’t blaming him; I just wanted him to understand. After all, he too had the tired expression of someone worn out by life.
“How can this be your fault? Did you start the war? Did you call that devil here? No, you didn’t.”
“We should have gone somewhere safer…”
“At the time, this was the safest place. No one knew about the bunker.”
“I know… but still, I can’t help but regret every decision I made. Was any of it truly wise?”
“At the time, it was the best choice.”
“But now it’s the worst.”
Despite my reassurances, my words seemed like an empty echo to him.
“I may not be a good husband, but I never thought I’d be the worst….I was too proud.”
“Johann…”
“I should’ve stopped you from talking to the Major when he started calling for you. I should’ve stopped it from the beginning. There’s nothing more precious to me than you, but what was I even thinking?”
If he had done that, Johann would either be in the front lines, condemned to death, or no longer alive. My heart started to race again as I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist, interlocking my fingers.
“There was no way to stop it, and there still isn’t.”
So please stop thinking about it. But Johann shook his head at my words.
“Rize, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. So from now on, please just be honest with me.”
“And that’s why I can’t be honest with you.”
Because I know you would do the worst thing if it meant protecting me. I tightened my grip around him, pulling him closer.
“Right. I was foolish to believe you would tell me everything. I knew your habits… but I didn’t think you’d still have them after the accident.”
Habits? I lifted my head from his chest and looked at him, asking with my eyes. Was it okay to ask this? Johann answered me without hesitation.
“You’ve always had this bad habit of thinking that if you just bear the pain, everyone else will be happy. I never imagined that after the accident, you would still have that habit. I should have been more attentive, but I was complacent. I’m sorry.”
This man, he knows me well. Even the parts of myself that I don’t fully understand.
Hilale
Rize please trust Johann