Please Forget Me - Chapter 19
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
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“Aah…”
The pleasure gained from enduring pain felt like heaven at the end of hell. I understood why God gifted humans with desire but warned against indulging in sin. It must be a cautionary message not to recklessly open the door to heaven.
“More, more, more.”
There must be foolish humans like me, desperately resisting to stay in heaven. Even as my breath became labored, I begged John for more. He didn’t stop his movements as per my request.
“Dana, I love you. I love you. I love you.”
He then gazed down at me in heaven, showering me with tears as he declared his love.
“Remember that I’m the man who gave you love.”
It was strange to see John’s cry and plead not to forget him, but I didn’t dwell on it amidst the pleasure that was making me forget who I was.
“No, don’t remember.”
When he abruptly withdrew his member, reversing his earlier statement, I merely felt a sense of longing as I gazed at the gradually closing door of heaven.
Empty.
The place he had occupied felt empty. The sensation of bodily fluids streaming out through the empty hole was vivid, almost chilling.
“Ah… Lord…”
Looking at the space between my legs, which surely revealed a sight inappropriate scene for John to show God.
“What have I done…”
It seemed that he couldn’t restrain himself during the climax and had come inside me. Seeing his remorse, it appeared John believed it was not the right time for us to have a child.
However, I still think it’s a good time. Even amid war, children are born. Isn’t this remote countryside the safest place to give birth and raise a child amidst the chaos of war?
‘Our child, resembling both John and me, would be so adorable. I can’t wait to hold them in my arms.’
While I couldn’t express my thoughts yet, as I still struggled to catch my breath, John, on his own accord, used his shirt to wipe between my legs. Since everything had already flowed out, it didn’t matter, so I allowed him to do so.
“Uung…”
However, I couldn’t permit him to put his fingers inside to clean out the seeds accumulated inside. It was only at that moment that I closed my legs, which were ready to welcome him at any time. Then, I shivered while crouching down.
“I’m cold, John.”
What if he covers me with a blanket again this time? Fortunately, it turned out to be an unnecessary worry. After briefly gazing down at me, he lay next to me and embraced me. I nestled into John’s arms and, with a contented sigh, asked,
“Was our first night like this too?”
Was he still holding onto it? The sound of the shirt he used to wipe between my legs being tossed onto the floor reached my ears. Only then did he kiss me and whisper softly in my ear.
“It was a time I’ll never forget. Even in hell, having this memory alone would make it feel like heaven.”
If a man, whose expressions are usually restrained, speaks like this, how ecstatic must it have been? Was it better than today? I wanted to ask more, but John’s embrace was too warm.
Sleep overwhelmed me, and I couldn’t ask further.
“Sweet dreams.”
“You too, my love.”
“My love…”
I found comfort as I fell asleep, listening to the still-rapid beats of his heart.
Now, our married life is ordinary.
* * *
A cloth stained with blood and s***n was thrown Into the blazing furnace. The evidence that he was blinded by lust, breaking the rule of abstinence and defiling a pure virgin was incinerated.
Even if the evidence of sin burned away, the sin itself did not. On the cold ground, the man knelt with both hands trembling, clutching a rosary with one corner of the cross broken.
“Don’t lie. Don’t commit adultery.”
The man’s voice, tinged with remorse, echoed.
“…Don’t lust after another man’s wife.”
* * *
“Rize, is anything good happening these days? You look radiant, always beaming like a ripe peach.”
Lately, this is the greeting I’ve been getting from the village ladies.
“But why does Johann seem to be withering like a dried-up tree?”
This comment is often thrown in too.
“Maybe he’s going to wither away because of you and you’ll become a widow. If you don’t want to poke between your thighs with your hand every night, better torment him a bit.”
The lady from the upstairs, who knows the situation, advises me to tease Johann a bit at night, but I can’t quite bring myself to do that. The truth is, it doesn’t seem like he’s withering because of me.
These days, I’ve noticed that when I wake up in the middle of the night, Johann is often awake. Whether it’s late at night or early in the morning, he’s sitting with a rosary in hand, kneeling.
He’s always been a faithful man, but recently, he’s been praying more often and for longer. When I asked if there was something on his mind, Johann said it was just trouble sleeping.
He indeed seems to be lacking sleep, and that’s probably why he looks noticeably gaunt these days.
‘I hope I can feed him more and better.’
I’ve been diligently wandering through the forest, digging up edible plants and roots, and whenever I get a chance, I extract milk and churn butter.
“Because you’re always dressed, I didn’t know you could be this thin.”
On the other hand, Johann made this comment the day after I got excited in bed and stripped off my cardigan and pajamas. Since then, he made sure our table was never short of meat and oily food.
So, even though our table has become richer than ever, today, before we fill our upper mouths at the table, we fill each other’s lower mouths first.
