Please Forget Me - Chapter 25
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
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The original me was very different from who I am now.
‘What should I do? A lady acting like a country woman…’
But I don’t know how to act like a lady. I thought I only lost my memory, but it turns out I lost myself completely.
‘I guess I can’t go back to being a lady.’
The doctor said that lost memories might return over time, but half a year after my discharge, I haven’t regained any. My head injury must have been more serious than I thought.
So, I can never be that lady again. That lady wasn’t me. She was someone else.
Losing myself is sad, but now I even envy the old me. No, I’m jealous. The old me was the one Johann truly loved.
‘Johann loved the lady. He loves me because of that lady.’
Reluctantly… The wedding ring on my left ring finger started to feel like it belonged to someone else. I awkwardly fiddled with the ring.
“What should I do? Johann married the old me, but now I’ve become someone else…”
He wanted to call off the marriage, but couldn’t bring himself to, so he might have kept me. Maybe he didn’t want to make love to me because he wasn’t the woman he loved.
“It’s not that you’ve become someone else.”
“Really?”
“Your way of shutting people up, your eloquent demeanor, it’s all the same as before.”
“Is that me?”
Johann was surprised but also saw the old me when I scared off the officer with my shocking words.
“Did I really do that before?”
“Of course, you never spoke crudely…”
Back when I was a nurse, I stood up to a soldier who was treating us like barmaids with his unreasonable demands. I even slapped a soldier taller than me.
“Wow… I was brave back then.”
As I raised my head in admiration, then slowly sank into my thoughts, Johann seemed to read my mind and said,
“I like you just as you are now.”
Johann might still be too kind, telling me a white lie. I still looked down then glanced up at him.
“Can you swear to God about that?”
Should I not have asked? Johann sighed softly, looking at me blankly. Maybe I’m being too troublesome. This might make him hate me.
“So, sorry…”
“My love.”
“Yes?”
“I love you so much that I would willingly die even if you kill me, even if God says my love for you is a sin and destined me for hell.”
He loves me even if I were to kill him? But why would I do that? Johann probably wanted to say he loves me no matter what I do, or who I am.
“Johann…”
“Stay there.”
I wanted to shower him with grateful kisses, but Johann gestured to me to stay put as he picked up his pencil. I stayed still, and he started drawing me again in his notebook. I can’t move, but I can talk.
“So, what about me do you like now? Why do you like it?”
“Um…”
Johann pondered for a moment before answering.
“You’re honest but often shy, and your imagination is so rich that sometimes it takes unexpected turns…”
“Is that a good thing?”
At my teasing, Johann gave a small laugh.
“I like it because it’s similar to how you were as a child. I fell so deeply in love with you then that I haven’t been able to get over it since.”
That means Johann fell in love with the imperfect, immature me, not the perfect lady. I no longer have a reason to be jealous of my old self.
“So, we’ve known each other for a very long time?”
After much pestering, I finally got to hear about our first encounter.
The first time he met me was in a forest blooming with forget-me-nots, just like now.
“You saw me and ran away in surprise, disappearing into the light.”
That’s when Johann thought I was a fairy of the forget-me-nots.
“Is that why you used to call me the forget-me-not fairy?”
Johann nodded, noticeably embarrassed.
“It was a dark forest, and just as our eyes met, light poured down on you. Your eyes at that moment were the same color as forget-me-nots.”
I have spring sky-colored eyes, but in the darkness with light shining, they appear as a light sky blue tinged with violet.
Johann was the first to compare them to the petals of forget-me-nots.
“But when I went back home and met you again, I was happy to learn you were a person, not a fairy.”
“Does that mean you had already fallen for me by then?”
He blushed and nodded again. I was surprised.
“I thought I was the one who had a crush on Johann first, following you around.”
That’s what I have been doing lately.
“Not at all. It was the opposite. Even when you were just standing there…. all the boys in the neighborhood were smitten with you and chased after you. Someone like me wouldn’t have caught your eye.”
“But eventually I did notice you, which is why I accepted your proposal.”
Johann didn’t tell me how he caught my eye, or how I ended up choosing him over all the other suitors who flocked to me.
‘I’m so, so curious about that.’
