The Beast of the Albard Mansion - Chapter 17
Before midnight, I went down to the dungeon. If Desi started howling again tonight, Father wouldn’t be able to hold back his anger and would try to kill him. I had to resolve the mess I had caused before it got out of hand.
Ignoring the problem wouldn’t solve it any longer. Despite my strong desire to shut my eyes and pretend not to see, I decided to muster the courage to face Desi.
The stairs leading to the dungeon felt particularly dark and long. Perhaps it was because Father had come with a whip last night. The dungeon air was thick with the smell of blood.
I held my breath for a moment against the stench. And as soon as I stepped on the last stair of the dungeon, I heard Desi’s voice.
“Seli.”
My heart pounded. I feared that Desi would be standing there, covered in the horse’s blood, looking fierce and menacing. So I couldn’t bring myself to look up and kept my head down, staring at the ground.
“Seli…”
Desi called me again. His voice was as sorrowful and mournful as his cries at midnight.
With difficulty, I raised my head. And I saw a wounded beast before me. Covered in whip marks, his clothes in tatters, a pitiful beast.
There was no trace of the terrifying, ferocious beast I had seen that night. Only a pitiful creature, trembling and weeping. As though my fears were a lie, I saw Desi crying, a face full of bruises. Tears streamed profusely down his face.
Desi’s body bore the marks of Father’s violence. But it seemed the visible wounds weren’t what pained him the most.
Desi ignored the physical pain, writhing and aggravating his wounds. He was tormented by loneliness and inescapable solitude.
“Why are you crying, Desi?”
Seeing his tears, I felt on the verge of tears myself. I wanted to cry too. Everything had become too frightening for me to handle, and I wanted to weep openly.
“Because I miss you.”
Desi said he cried because he missed me. I had given him freedom, but he had waited for me like a dog still chained. Waiting in the dungeon where I didn’t visit, feeling a sorrow that slaughter couldn’t fill. He had spent all day staring at the dungeon stairs.
Wondering if I would come down today. Hoping I would come to see him. After a month, the endless waiting had become too much for Desi, and he cried. The pain of not seeing me was worse than the beatings, and for the first time, he wept.
“Stop crying every night. Father might try to kill you.”
“But my heart feels like it’s being cut with a knife. This is the first time I’ve felt such pain, and I don’t know what else to do but cry.”
“Father beats you because you keep crying. So please stop crying.”
“But you didn’t come. If I don’t cry out, the pain is unbearable. I feel so lonely. I miss you. Please, Seli, save me.”
I had avoided the dungeon because I was scared of Desi. But seeing him writhing at my feet, tears streaming down, melted that fear away.
Despite his large build, Desi lay down and whimpered. I had never seen a man cry before, and I began to shed my fear. Desi didn’t look like a frightening beast that devoured livestock, but like a scared child.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Come see me again like before. Even if it’s just once a day. Even if it’s just for a moment.”
“Will you stop crying then?”
“…Yes.”
I promised to visit Desi once a day. Desi also promised not to howl every midnight, disturbing the mansion.
For the first time in a while, I sat down with Desi and talked.
“Desi, you shouldn’t eat horses.”
“Okay.”
“And don’t eat other people’s livestock either.”
“Okay.”
Desi nodded and then lowered his head slightly, glancing at me. He didn’t seem to understand what he had done wrong. He didn’t know why it was wrong to eat horses or livestock owned by others. He didn’t understand why I was scared or why indiscriminate killing was wrong. Desi had simply acted on instinct.
“If you really want to eat meat, eat the sheep in the eastern fields. There are many wolves there, so sheep often disappear. But don’t eat too much.”
“If the animal doesn’t have an owner, it’s okay, right?”
“…Yes. No one will say anything about hunting wild animals.”
Father also hunted in the mountains and fields. No one paid for animals without owners. The only beings who paid humans were fellow humans. The deaths of wild rats, field animals, and mountain birds didn’t count as deaths. Their deaths weren’t mourned, no guilt was felt, no punishment was given, and no money was paid.
“Okay. I’ll only eat animals without owners.”
This seemed to solve all the problems, but I still felt uneasy. Although there would be no more disturbances, I sensed that nothing had really changed.
Desi would still live under my feet, continuing to hunt animals. Father would still try to use Desi. He could kill Desi at any time.
“Seli. Play with me tomorrow too.”
I nodded reluctantly.
I had to visit Desi every day, just like before. Even though Desi was still my friend, it didn’t feel as comfortable as it used to. I was worried about and felt pity for Desi, but at the same time, I was afraid.
Desi’s bright yellow eyes stared at me directly. His gaze was so intense that I felt breathless when he spoke. I constantly wanted to hide from him. Though I could avoid his gaze, I couldn’t hide from him.
I had the feeling that if I turned and ran, he would chase after me. It seemed better to sit down and give up. I sensed that the more I tried to run away, the more I would provoke him.
It was an instinctive feeling.
