The Beast of the Albard Mansion - Chapter 24
Desi had gone beyond the mansion’s walls, out of the village, and into the forest that day. But in the middle of the forest, he couldn’t move any further. Desi thought that if he went further, he wouldn’t be able to return and wouldn’t be able to see me again, so he couldn’t cross the forest.
He retraced his steps back to the mansion, to the very place that bound and tormented him. On the day he gave up the freedom he had longed for and put the leash back on himself, Desi experienced his first real despair. He realized that even if freedom was handed to him, he couldn’t truly enjoy it.
“Why… why did you do that?”
My chest ached, and tears fell at the sight of Desi’s dejected expression. His trembling hand slowly reached up to my face.
“You tamed me. That’s how my kind is. Once we give our hearts, there’s no turning back. Even if the end is hell, we have to accept it. It’s our fate.”
“…”
“But thank you for coming to say goodbye.”
What kind of despairing fate was this? Desi was going to die because of me. I had given him affection, entered his heart, and now he was giving up his freedom and accepting death.
“I want you to live happily, Desi. I want you to throw everything away and run away. I want you to live happily without ever coming back here.”
“That’s impossible. I can’t leave you.”
“If you don’t leave, you might die.”
“Even if I leave, I’ll die just the same.”
I was at a loss for words. I couldn’t understand why Desi would die if he left. It frustrated me. Then, Desi’s bright yellow eyes came close.
“If I can’t be with you, I might as well die.”
His words gave me chills. It felt like I was peering into the depths of his soul, a heavy, sticky swamp. I couldn’t breathe.
“Seli. It’s okay. Breathe, slowly.”
My breathing quickened, and it became hard to breathe. Desi embraced me and slowly patted my back.
“Sniff, sniff. I… I… hiic.”
Desi said that even if he stayed by my side and ended up dying, it couldn’t be helped. He told me to forget him, to forget the creature living in the dungeon and return to my original life. He pushed me to go back to the surface. But I couldn’t leave Desi behind. I clung to him, sobbing uncontrollably.
Clinging to Desi, I panted and let my tears flow.
“I… I think you need to leave here to be happy, Desi… hiic. You need to leave.”
“But I won’t leave you.”
“Then… then what should we do? You’ll be unhappy, and it could be dangerous. Father… Father…”
Desi grabbed my tear-stained face and gently wiped my eyes with his thumb. His rough fingertips brushed against my skin. Even though I felt sorry for Desi, he looked at me as if he pitied me too.
“It can’t be helped.”
Those words broke me. Desi’s resignation mirrored my own.
From the moment I was born, I lived in loneliness. Mother, who used to be lively and cheerful, grew darker after suffering two miscarriages before I was born. Because of that, when she was pregnant with me, she refused to believe she was expecting. Every day she said there couldn’t possibly be a baby in her womb. But I was there, regardless of whether she believed in my existence, and I was born.
Mother, believing the miscarriages were due to a filthy disease, developed a compulsive cleanliness disorder like Father and rarely left her room. Sometimes, she would act as if I didn’t exist. If I spoke to her, she would be startled and say, “Were you there, Celenia?” and then laugh as if it were absurd.
Ellie filled Mother’s void, but she had many things more important than me. My older sister who stayed by my side like a friend left for her future, and Father never considered me important.
I was that kind of child. A child who grew up small due to neglect, a child who learned to read the room, the last-born who was always pushed to the back.
So, I couldn’t push Desi away.
To others, I was a small, inconvenient presence, but Desi treated me as if I were his entire world. Incredibly, I felt special and significant because of him.
Even though I shouldn’t have made this choice for Desi’s sake or for the people in the mansion who feared him, I made a selfish decision at that moment.
“Then… Then… be happy by my side, Desi. I’ll take care of you.”
Despite knowing it was a selfish choice and not knowing how to make things better, I decided to save Desi.
The night was tumultuous, and darkness had settled deeply. Yet, the choice to rescue Desi, who awaited me in the mansion’s shadowy dungeon, felt like one I would never come to regret.
