The Beast of the Albard Mansion - Chapter 36
Father said this to me.
“Once your sister gets married, you can get married too. Don’t worry about her taking too long; as soon as we send her off, we’ll send you off too. You’re obedient and well-behaved, so you’ll find it much easier to get married than your sister. Girls like you are in high demand—pretty, gentle, quiet, not arrogant, and not extravagant.”
Hearing that, I started to dislike myself. I should have been disobedient, not so well-behaved in front of Father, and more extravagant. I should have been arrogant and given the maids a hard time. Then it would be harder for me to get married.
But it was too late for regrets. I had already become that kind of lady. Even if I tried to act differently, my ingrained habits would surface first.
Despite disliking the ideal marriageable lady I had become, I found solace in one act of rebellion: being with Desi. It lifted my spirits. I was a seemingly good girl doing secretly bad things. If Father knew my true self, he would be horrified. The thought of that filled me with satisfaction.
“Do you think those runaway ladies are happy?”
I asked, leaning fully into Desi and looking up at the moon.
I was curious about those greedy, depraved, family-betraying, and disgraced ladies. I marveled at their courage to jump into the fires of hell despite the fear of public scorn.
Desi scoffed at my question.
“I doubt it.”
“Why?”
“Well-bred ladies would find it hard to endure the commoners’ way of life.”
Desi lifted my hand, blocking the moon in the night sky. The moonlight flickered between my fingers.
“Could you earn a living with these delicate hands?”
My pale, slender hand contrasted sharply with the night sky, and next to it was Desi’s rough, large hand holding mine.
“I think I could still be happy.”
Seeing Desi’s hand holding mine made me feel that way. It was natural to think that a future with Desi would be happier than one with a stranger whose face and name I didn’t know.
It was strange. Imagining a runaway lady with her knight, I saw Desi’s face instead of the knight’s. And in the face of the lady holding the knight’s hand, I saw myself.
I couldn’t imagine anyone else holding my hand.
“Could I do that too?”
“Do what?”
“Run away with a knight like those stories. Could I do that too?”
“Is there a knight you fancy? Who is it?”
Desi growled lowly. He was so clueless. I sighed inwardly and shook my head.
“Not yet.”
“Good. If there were, I’d have to kill him. I’m trying not to kill people, you know.”
Desi laughed brightly, his large mouth curving into a snarl.
“Desi, whenever you make jokes like that, it feels too real. You’re scaring me.”
Desi laughed out loud this time. He looked down at me and smiled.
“I find you cute whenever you say that.”
“What?”
“Never mind.”
Desi hugged me tightly and buried his nose in the crook of my neck. I tried to push his head away, but it wouldn’t budge easily. His strong arms around my waist felt like they would never let go. I gave up and relaxed.
After a long while, Desi spoke softly, his face still buried against me.
“You don’t need to worry about that.”
“About what?”
“Whether you’ll be happy or not, or if you’ll have to suffer. You won’t have to.”
“How do you know?”
“I just know.”
Desi spoke with conviction. I didn’t ask further. I decided to just enjoy the fullness I felt at that moment.
The sound of the gently flowing stream was refreshing. The scent of the lush forest was calming. The coldness of the water on my feet contrasted with the warmth of Desi’s embrace.
Even without saying anything, I felt content and satisfied.
***
The next day, Sister was still locked in her room.
The maids seemed to be following our parents’ orders not to enter her room. I worried about Sister, who was likely starving, and brought her some food. Knowing she’d be in a bad mood, I also packed some sweet pastries.
“Sister, it’s me.”
I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. After checking the hallway, I cautiously opened the locked door and entered.
Sister was lying face down on the bed.
“Sister, you should eat something. You haven’t eaten anything today, have you?”
“I’m not in the mood to eat.”
Her voice was cold.
I set the food on the table and sat down on a chair. She didn’t lift her head. I worried that she might suffocate herself like this. I wondered if she was thinking about self-harm again.
“…The person you’re seeing, what is he like?”
“…”
“Since he’s someone you want to marry, he must be wonderful, right?”
Hearing my interest, Sister slowly got up from the bed. Her hair was a tangled mess, reminding me of the old days when she used to cause trouble.
She looked at me with a slight blush on her cheeks.
“Yes, he’s a really good person.”
“Really?”
As I showed more interest, Sister’s mood lifted. She came over and sat next to me, holding my hand and excitedly sharing all the details.
