The Beast of the Albard Mansion - Chapter 46
Desi looked puzzled, not understanding the situation. I stroked his hair and then gently pushed him away.
I stroked Desi’s head a few times before pushing him away.
“Go quickly. Before people come.”
“I’ll be back early,” Desi said, giving me a quick kiss on the forehead.
“Come back before sunset. If you’re late, you’ll be in trouble.”
“Got it.”
As soon as Desi confirmed there was no one in the garden and climbed out the window, the maids rushed into my room. They carried washing water, dresses, and various accessories in their hands.
“I want a quick bath.”
“Miss, we don’t have much time before breakfast. Dressing you and doing your hair will take a while.”
“Even so.”
After bathing, I stared coldly at the mirror while the maids attended to me. Their hands transformed my face—my lips turned a deep rosy red, my cheeks flushed, and my skin looked even brighter. My messy hair was now smooth and cascading. I was becoming more beautiful, and I hated it. The thought of him drooling and licking his lips at the sight of me made me sick.
I felt resentful toward Sister for causing this mess. I knew she had her reasons, but I couldn’t help feeling it was unfair that the fallout had landed on me. However, thinking about Sister’s situation, I pushed aside my resentment. Blaming her might make me feel better, but it wouldn’t help. It wasn’t the time to blame her; it was time to help her.
Last night, right after dinner, Father ordered the servants to nail Sister’s door shut. He seemed intent on starving her to death. His face was terrifyingly fierce as he gave the order.
“Haah…”
I sighed deeply. Once I was ready, I headed to Sister’s room. The maids tried to stop me.
“Miss, you need to go directly to the dining hall…”
“I’ll just talk for a moment. I only want to check on her from the door.”
Sister’s door was nailed shut, making it impossible to open from either side.
“Sister, are you okay?”
I knocked and asked about her well-being. I asked the maids to step aside.
“There’s no one here but me. Please say something.”
“I’m fine.”
Her voice came faintly from behind the door, hoarse and subdued. Despite her own predicament, she started worrying about me.
“I heard from the maids that you got caught up in this mess. I’m sorry, Seli. I’m sorry for always causing you trouble.”
“No, you don’t know how refreshed I felt. Did you see Father’s face? It was hilarious.”
Hearing my once proud and shining sister’s gloomy voice was painful. No matter what trouble she caused, I always liked Sister. She was my only friend during childhood, my kind and assertive older sister. Then she asked me.
“…Are you okay?”
Her question almost brought me to tears. No one had asked about my thoughts or how I was doing. But Sister was curious about me and my thoughts. That alone was enough for me to understand and forgive her.
“I’m okay.”
“Are you really okay? Even if you have to go through with that marriage…”
“…Yes. I’m okay, so don’t worry about me.”
With that, I went down to the dining hall.
I wasn’t okay. Not at all. I had no intention of living with someone I didn’t want to be with. I didn’t care if it tarnished Father’s authority, stained our family’s honor, or meant I would never see my family again. I didn’t want to ruin my life.
I had changed bit by bit. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly when, but I think it started when I brought Desi out of the basement into my room. Since that day, I began listening to my heart. What I wanted, what I enjoyed, what I disliked, what made me happy, what I loved. I started finding those things one by one.
I also reflected on why I was scared, why I had nightmares, and why I felt lonely.
Even if I looked the same on the outside, inside I was undergoing a transformation. Ellie dismissed it simply as puberty.
But it wasn’t just puberty. The difference between before and after was too great. Before, I was compliant both inside and out to Father. But after my heart started to stir, I pretended to listen to Father on the outside while internally, I completely turned against him.
I constantly felt my insides churning and rebelling against everything Father said. It was the same with Mother and the house tutor.
After rebelling silently for a long time, like a lightbulb switching on, the right answers came to me. When Father told me not to wander around and to stay in my room, I grumbled for a long time, and then counterarguments to Father’s words began to form one by one.
There was no reason not to wander. The room was too stuffy, and the weather outside welcomed me warmly. Staying in the room was unhealthy, and walking and running were good for growth.
Many reasons to defy Father came to mind. I didn’t share these thoughts with him, but it made me feel a little better and allowed me to set my own rules. On days with good weather, I would stroll in the garden. Those personal rules began to accumulate one by one.
Now, the same thing was happening. I was pondering my choice.
Father, Mother, Count Ozr, and Lord Brent… None of them asked about my thoughts or choices. Even if others didn’t think it mattered, even if everyone ignored and disregarded me, I had to listen to my heart. I had to respect my right to make decisions.
