The Guide Played Her Role as a Stand-in a Little Too Well - Chapter 177
Having such an extraordinary ability was impressive.
But there had to be something that came with it.
There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
Just like guiding became essential for espers’ abilities, and each esper had their own penalties, Hedonia must have his own as well.
“It’s nothing significant,”
Hedonia deflected my question.
I narrowed my eyes at him.
“The fact that you won’t tell me makes it even more suspicious.”
Until now, he had answered my questions readily and apologized repeatedly. Why change his attitude now?
“You don’t need to know.”
“I want to know. If you won’t tell me, I have my ways.”
I spoke firmly.
Hedonia nodded slightly, seemingly unconvinced.
“I see.”
He didn’t seem to believe me. Whatever I did would probably be insignificant to someone of his power.
“Tell me.”
“No. If you know, you’ll just worry. It’s better if you don’t know. I’m managing it well.”
…If he’s this stubborn, I’ll have to resort to my last option!
Resolved, I issued a threat.
“Then I’ll guide people until my ability is completely drained and I collapse.”
“Karina!”
The effect was immediate. Hedonia’s expression darkened as he glared at me.
“Do you realize what you’re saying?”
The most effective threat to Hedonia involves me.
“I know.”
It would be a lie to say that I don’t feel ashamed saying this to someone who has been trying so hard to refrain from guiding for my sake.
But I need to open Pandora’s box.
“Please understand that your current feelings are the same as what I feel towards you.”
I want to know the burden he’s carrying so I can help lighten it.
With a sigh, Hedonia finally shrugged and confessed.
“If I fail to concentrate, I can get trapped in the memories of those I control.”
He finally revealed the truth.
“Do you lose your memories?”
“No, it feels like my mind is being consumed by another’s. My identity splits.”
“Are you saying you could become someone else?”
“In the worst-case scenario… yes.”
Hedonia finally admitted. My heart sank.
“…Aren’t you afraid?”
What would it feel like to lose one’s sense of self?
As the head of a ducal house and one of the few S-rank espers, not using his abilities isn’t an option.
He has to keep diving into the fire, knowing the limitations of his power.
The burden he bears as an esper is greater than the penalty itself.
“Karina, as you can see, I’m fine. There’s no need to worry.”
Hedonia tried to reassure me.
But I know all too well that the world doesn’t always go according to plan.
What if the day comes when the penalty consumes him?
“But what if that day comes?”
Hedonia firmly shook his head at my words.
“That won’t happen.”
I wanted to be prepared for even the worst-case scenario.
“Then what can I do for you? I want to be helpful to you, Hedonia.”
Because I want him to be himself.
“You guide me,”
I shook my head.
“I want to do more than that. Is there anything else I can do?”
If there was something I could do, I would do it.
Hedonia didn’t answer right away. His eyes trembled as he looked at me.
His gaze was warm, like sunlight in winter.
Gently touching my right cheek, where his lips had touched, as if caressing porcelain, Hedonia spoke.
“Just come to me.”
His request was disarmingly simple.
“For the half-year you were gone, I lived with you engraved in my mind.”
He wasn’t joking.
“You are the reason I exist.”
His calm tone pierced my heart.
…The anxiety didn’t fade.
I knew Hedonia loved me.
I loved him too.
But him just looking at me could really fix that penalty?
It was hard to completely quell my unease about something I had never experienced.
“Are you still worried?”
Hedonia, seeing through my worries, smiled and kissed my forehead.
“Then,”
Could there be another way? I perked up, listening intently to his words.
“Hug me, Karina.”
Hedonia’s voice was as steady as a tree that had grown deep roots over a long time.
“Hold my hand, look into my eyes, and embrace me. Just like when we first kissed.”
In front of this tree, my anxiety seemed insignificant.
“That’s all I need.”
