The Malicious Member is Back! - Chapter 3
My body felt heavy.
I blinked my bleary eyes, trying to assess the situation.
I mean…
Right, I had been arrested on the spot after going on a wild drinking binge in the club, gulping down even more panic disorder pills on the streets.
“Rather than living like this, I’d rather die! I want to die!”
Because I was drunk and drank more medicine than usual, I experienced all sorts of symptoms.
The incoherent rambling, the auditory hallucinations, everything.
I must have looked particularly weak.
It wasn’t helping that, on top of the derogatory term “malicious member,” I had been urgently arrested, and the only thing waiting for me in the entertainment world was despair.
And my fellow members, whose feelings towards me weren’t great… Maybe this time, they might try to kill me?
Ah…
Since things had already gone this far, maybe death would be.
“Hey, Kim Chunyong. Get up.”
Yet, oddly enough, I was drunk. I had to be in quite a strange state for that desire to occur to me.
– Let’s make a contract.
From that day, the day of the incident, I had been yearning for one thing, the chance to undo everything.
…But could going back to the past ever be realistic?
Unless I was truly selling my soul to the devil.
“Haha…”
I burst into hollow laughter for a moment.
“Are you laughing? Why aren’t you coming out, you idiot?”
But it’s strange. Why does it feel like…
“Kim Chunyong! Mom said it’s time for dinner!”
As if I’ve gone back before the accident?
Since falling into the trap of alcoholism, I was always dazed, like it had been foggy in my mind, but right now, everything was remarkably clear.
The pillow against my cheek felt soft. The blanket against my skin felt cozy. I buried my face in the pillow, took a deep breath, and then froze as a sudden feeling of discomfort overcame me.
“…Hold on a second.”
This is my mom’s bed. I got rid of this three years ago.
Why is it in the police station?
“A dream? Or perhaps a farewell gift from the entertainment industry?”
I jumped out of bed and opened the door.
It was my familiar older sister, who’ had her hair up in a scrunchie, and wore horn-rimmed glasses. She stood before the door with a fierce expression.
“I told you to come out, Crazy, so you’re making me come to you in the end?”
Even if I were standing on my hands, I could see that it was my older sister, Kim Bo-mi.
“Noona, really? Is it you?”
“What? Did you have a dream? Or did someone hit you on the head with a club? What’s wrong with this crazy guy?”
Her sentences were generously sprinkled with curses, so it was obvious that she was indeed my sister.
“N-noona?”
I staggered towards her and hugged her tightly.
After the accident that day, my sister, Kim Bomi, never appeared in my dreams, unlike my parents and my younger sister.
I believed that it was her last lesson to me, to reprimand me for the mistakes that led to our family’s tragedy.
After all, she was a high school teacher, so it was her way of punishing me for the wrong I had done.
She believed that not everyone could be forgiven.
“Whoa, what’s wrong with you? Hey, why won’t you get off? Get off, please!”
“Wow, what’s this? Why are you two hugging?”
Another familiar voice came from the side. It was another voice I had missed dearly. It was my younger sister, Kim Nari.
I struggled with my arms flailing in the air, trying to hug Nari.
“Hey Nari, you come here too… please.”
“Are you insane? No! Mom, Dad! Come here. Kim Chunyong is crazy!”
“Nari! You know Mom said not to talk like that to your brother!”
“Why are these kids so…First thing in the morning…”
“Hey, Mom. Dad… give me a hug, quick. I missed you…”
Such a happy dream at the lowest point in my life. I wanted to savor and enjoy this dream to the fullest, even if I was going to die.
Mom and Dad, who had come out of the kitchen, approached me, patting my shoulders and speaking with concern in their voices.
“Chunyong, are you okay? Honey, check his forehead. Does he have a fever?”
“Well, he doesn’t have a fever… What’s going on? Son, why are you crying?”
Why am I crying?
“That’s insane, my brother won a Rookie Idol award. Is this for real…?”
“Huh? Shall we all go on a trip to Cebu? But it might be expensive to buy tickets right now.”
“…Did you already book the tickets? Oh my! Oh my! Honey, look at this!”
The day after Arrows won the Rookie of the Year award.
I had boldly suggested a family trip abroad to my family. I assured them I would take care of all the preparations, and they just had to pack their bags.
Our family was entitled to such a trip. They were the precious people who had generously supported their unpredictable second son when he insisted on becoming an idol.
“No, don’t! Mom, Dad!”
“Chunyong, take care Nari!”
“Noona! No, no, please!”
On the day of departure, in the quiet dawn. If we had known that the limousine bus carrying only our family was about to flip over, I would have never uttered a word.
And if we had known that only I would survive,
We would never have gone on that trip.
Since that day, my brightly colored world had turned pitch black.
Even the members and fans who had once worried about me when I was feeling down, and even accompanied me to fan meetings, started to distance themselves from me at some point.
…It was probably from that day, the day I left the fan meeting, drunk and trying to avoid the screaming hallucinations.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… Just a moment, I need to go outside, I’m really sorry.”
“Rex, Rex!”
I don’t deserve these cheers.
Ever since I ran out of the fan meeting venue because of the inescapable self-loathing, I couldn’t turn back. The more I ruined myself, the more those who didn’t love me cheered even louder.
What I was left with wasn’t an “Idol from a troubled family” but a label that read “Mentally unstable, malicious member.”
So, those of you who appear in my dreams will never know why I cry. I don’t intend to tell you. Because you bloodsuckers are filthy cowards.
I just wanted to feel this warmth.
*Sniff…*
I chose to bite my lips and let the tears flow pathetically.
My family started to whisper among themselves.
“The only thing I can look at is Kim Chunyong’s face, but he looks ugly from crying. What should we do…?”
“He must be under a lot of stress because he was cut from the debut group. Has he lost his mind?”
“He was fine yesterday. How did he become like this overnight?”
“Well, we’re not directly involved, so we can’t know everything…”
“Let’s just try to calm him down and let him rest. Any later than this, we’ll all be late.”
Despite not knowing why, my family gently guided me to bed and covered me with a blanket.
It’s just like before.
This felt like a dream come true.
My sister, who had finished preparing to leave, patted me and spoke sharply but affectionately.
“Hey, Kim Chunyong. Get more sleep for now. You should consider taking a break today. With the way you are now, you won’t accomplish anything.”
I responded, stumbling over my words, to my sister’s sharp yet caring advice, something I hadn’t heard in a long time.
“Rehearsal room? What kind of rehearsal?”
“What should I do… you must be out of it. You begged me and Nari for a week-long reservation of a personal practice room. How could you forget that? Do you have any money left?”
“Bomi, leave Chunyong alone and get ready for work! We’ll miss the bus!”
“Oh, okay! Anyway… do well, my trainee dongseng. Oh. If you’re going to survive the debut group cut and go to the survival show, you’d better do even better.”
*Bang*
“…Huh.”
With my family all leaving the house and me being alone in the house filled with memories, I wiped my moist face, smiling.
This should be enough.
Now, even if the agency decides to kick me out, even if I end up in jail due to excessive drug use, I can keep enduring these memories.
I closed my eyes, waiting to wake up from this dream. The shallow sleep I had due to alcohol was just like this, but I always woke up like this after enduring it.
The white noise in the house gradually subsided, and there was a feeling of floating.
*Ping!*
Next to my ear, a cute notification tone sounded, extremely out of place.
*Ping! Ping!*
And it happened three times in a row.
“…I’ve never experienced this before.”
Perplexed, I blinked and got up.
The source of the notification was my smartphone which I had used seven years ago.
The screen of the smartphone displayed a preview of a message from an unknown app.
– X: It looks like you still haven’t figured out the situation, haha.
– X: Well, it could happen! In the beginning, they were all like that 🙂
– X: How does it feel to meet your family again? Do you have the motivation to work hard now? Hahaha.
