The Nanny of House Herzen - Chapter 29
But without the dress, others will look down on her more. Evelyn chose instead to part with her hair.
With her decision made, she approached the innkeeper again.
“Could I possibly borrow some scissors?”
“What do you need them for?”
Taken aback by the innkeeper’s direct question, Evelyn confessed somewhat awkwardly.
“I need to cut my hair…”
“Ah, I see.”
The innkeeper seemed relieved and handed her the scissors.
Back in her room, Evelyn stood in front of the mirror and let down her hair, which cascaded down to her waist. Looking at her flowing locks, she felt complicated.
The Marquis had admired these locks. Yet, she couldn’t even recall what his hands looked like anymore; only the Duke’s hands came to mind.
Pale and strong, the hands of a man used to deal death to animals. Yet, they were gentle as a spring breeze when they touched her hair.
She had misunderstood those hands, which had never harshly pulled her hair, thinking foolishly they didn’t care.
She had lived seeing only falsities, mistaking even the true for the false.
“He said he didn’t like blonde hair.”
He must have said that because she had betrayed him. Johanson’s blonde as well.
Likewise, she must have become distasteful to him as well. Those long, large hands would never stroke her hair again.
With that thought, any last regrets disappeared.
Raising her arms to place the scissors near her ear, her chest throbbed with fullness from her milk. That made her think of Johanson.
Evelyn shook her head. Johanson would be fine. She was just a baby, and she, unqualified even as a wet nurse, would be forgotten soon.
With each snip, clumps of her beautiful blonde hair fell to the floor.
When she was done, the woman in the mirror looked unfamiliar.
It was her first time with such short hair. Would the nuns at the monastery she had heard about from her stepmother really wear their hair like this? It felt so awkward that she thought she might need to wear a scarf when she went out.
Lying in bed, one side of her chest was pressed down, causing milk to leak out. Since leaving the carriage, she had been a mess, the milk leaking uncontrollably. She had only managed to cover it up with her outer garment.
Evelyn didn’t know what to do. All her knowledge about breastfeeding and childcare had come from the head maid, who was no longer by her side.
She was in so much pain that she had to get up. After wrapping a towel around her chest and squeezing, cloudy milk burst out.
It seemed to alleviate the pain a bit, or perhaps it made it worse. But emotionally, she felt even more miserable. Seeing the milk drip continuously made her think of Johanson and the Duke again.
She cleaned herself up roughly and tried to sleep, hoping things would be better after some rest.
However, when she woke up the next morning, she was met with a horrible case of mastitis. The head maid had been right; it was more painful than childbirth.
It felt like she was carrying hot stones in her body. The pain was so intense that tears streamed down her face.
Clinging to her burning body, she sobbed for the baby who might be crying with hunger and the Duke whom she had ultimately disappointed. But she knew she would never see either of them again.
With no one to help, she starved all day long.
On the second day, the innkeeper came to collect the room fee. He was visibly shocked by Evelyn’s pale appearance.
“Are you alright?”
“No, it’s just… travel fatigue.”
The innkeeper seemed worried that she might have caught a contagious disease. However, she couldn’t bring herself to say that she was suffering from mastitis.
Perhaps worried she might die alone in her room, the innkeeper brought her some porridge once or twice a day. It was a godsend for Evelyn.
She suffered for several days. It took almost a week for her milk to dry up. It wasn’t completely gone, but it was no longer a hindrance to her daily activities.
She felt relieved. Having lost what he so admired, she thought she must now be completely useless to him. The same probably went for Johanson.
Once fully recovered, Evelyn folded a large handkerchief to wear like a scarf. Then, she asked the innkeeper.
“Do you know where I might find work nearby… perhaps as a nanny or a private tutor?”
The innkeeper was relieved that Evelyn had regained her strength, but asked back in disbelief.
“A nanny? Have you even raised children before?”
“I have… raised a child.”
It wasn’t entirely a lie since she had cared for Johanson for half a year.
Perhaps it was because of the high-quality dress she wore, which had belonged to the Duchess, that the innkeeper finally nodded.
“Go across to the tavern and ask there. Tell them I sent you. The tavern owner is a close friend of mine and knows all the goings-on around here.”
Evelyn quickly went to find the tavern owner, who clapped his hands enthusiastically after hearing her request.
“Ah! Over at Viscount Parth’s estate, they’re looking for a tutor. But you seem too refined for that role?”
Taking it as a compliment, Evelyn blushed, but someone interrupted from the side.
“That’s right, that’s right. With your beauty, you won’t get a nanny or tutor position. Which Madam of the house would allow such a risk? Noblemen are a breed that should never be given an opportunity.”
“Oh, even my wife wouldn’t approve.”
Laughter erupted around them, but the tavern owner’s face suggested they weren’t just joking.
Disappointed yet undeterred, Evelyn asked again.
