The Nanny of House Herzen - Chapter 38
Even now, he should have stormed in, yelling at her for daring to disobey his orders.
But Carius just stood at a distance, looking more hurt than she was. Asking her if she was scared of him.
He took another step back in response to her silence.
If he turned around and left now, she knew she’d never see him again. The thought made her tears fall. Despite her fear, her foolish heart still wanted to hold onto him.
As Evelyn’s tears began to fall, a small sigh reached her ears.
“It’s difficult…”
His voice was low and weary. Evelyn rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand.
“I know I’m being selfish by coming here. I’m sorry.”
He shifted his weight as if he was about to leave.
She didn’t have the courage to ask what was difficult for him. She just didn’t want him to leave, so she blurted out.
“Johanson…”
He paused.
“How is the baby doing?”
“….If you were so concerned, why didn’t you bring her with you?”
Carius chided, but then he gave her an answer.
“The head maid found a new wet nurse. I heard she brought her own child with her.”
It seemed he hadn’t met the new nurse yet. Would he ask to see her body as he had asked her? Would he want to suckle from her b*****s? Would he bring her to his bed and call her name?
Baseless resentment began to rise. Evelyn bit her lower lip and spoke.
“You don’t need to look for me again. I have nothing left that you want….”
“…What I want? What is that?”
He took a step closer.
Evelyn was scared, but she didn’t look away. Knowing she’d never see him again made it impossible.
She could live with her memories of him. She could keep the image of him in her heart. If this was the last time, she wanted to bid him farewell properly.
Carius slowly sat at the opposite end of the bed. There was still enough space between them.
In a voice that felt like a confession, Evelyn whispered.
“My milk has dried up. I can’t nurse anymore.”
Carius tilted his head slightly, clearly not understanding her words.
“…So?”
Evelyn hesitated, caught off guard by his unexpected reaction.
“…You liked it, but now it’s gone.”
“Your milk?”
She nodded, her cut hair swaying near her ears. He sighed in disbelief and asked again.
“Did you want to lose everything I like, even cutting your hair?”
‘Things I like.’
That’s how he put it.
The Duchess didn’t have blonde hair. He just liked Evelyn’s hair. Yet he had said he didn’t like Johanson’s blonde hair.
Evelyn felt a surge of emotion and paused.
“It’s not that…”
Carius added calmly.
“What a pointless thing to do. You still have that sweet scent, and I still want to touch you.”
Evelyn’s blue eyes stared at him blankly.
“…I want to touch you so much it drives me mad.”
The man who said he wanted to touch her and that it drove him mad was still sitting at a distance. Close enough to reach if he stretched out his hand, but he remained distant. His calm face contradicts his desperate words.
His resignation only made Evelyn more agitated.
Who am I? What can I be to him?
With a breaking voice, he asked.
“Just answer me one thing. Do you… really hate me that much?”
It was a suffocating question. How could she possibly hate him?
Evelyn had always feared him. She feared his possessions, his status. But she had never once hated him.
Impulsively, she reached out and touched his hair. Apart from the time she accidentally touched it on the bed, this was the first time.
Carius gently accepted her touch and cautiously asked again,
“Do you hate me so much that you had to…run away?”
Evelyn’s small hand moved to his cheek. She traced his eyebrows, then his nose with her fingertips. She caressed his lips, which she had always wanted to touch.
He rubbed his cheek against her hand. The warm breath on her palm was so desperate it made her dizzy.
Evelyn got on her knees and stood up, daring to approach him first. She clumsily pressed her lips to his, and he remained still as if holding his breath.
There was still much she didn’t know about him. She didn’t know what he did in that room at the end of the hall or why the Duchess and the wet nurse had both disappeared.
But even if he had lured her back to his estate only to kill her tonight, it didn’t matter.
No one had ever been this warm to her, no one had ever been this gentle. No one had ever confessed a desire to touch her with such pained eyes.
She had already almost lost her life once in the reed forest, so she had nothing left to lose by giving it to him now.
Their tongues tangled hotly, their ravenous lips sucking at each other, unwilling to part even for a small breath. Sticky saliva mingling as if it were precious nectar.
A large hand grasped Evelyn’s waist. The groping touch was more a plea than an invitation, more a desperate begging than a caress.
