We're Married, After All - Chapter 48
These days, I dream every night. Sometimes, I even dream multiple dreams in a single night. It was strange because I had hardly ever dreamed or slept deeply in my life before.
Janna said it was a common symptom for pregnant women. Becoming sensitive to smells, needing more sleep, and dreaming nonsensical dreams like swimming with fish or nightmares about children were typical.
But my dreams weren’t about water or children; they were about Danel. The most frequent dream was of Danel drawing.
Today, a slightly younger version of Danel appeared in the dream. He seemed about seventeen. With his messy blond hair, Danel was drawing a swollen belly. After finishing one drawing, he would turn the page and start the same image again on the next, and then the next after that.
Before I knew it, the quality of the drawings had improved significantly. In the simple lines, there was now a hint of emotion—light, soft, warm, yet also persistently affectionate.
I followed this change with a complicated mix of feelings.
As far as I knew, Danel had never learned how to draw. I didn’t even know he had any interest in it.
Yet, Danel never gave up on his drawings for a very long time.
So I was curious—how much loss must Danel have felt to fill such a thick sketchbook with drawings?
I had experienced something similar. Was it shortly after the engagement ceremony? I thought it would be good to have a more conventional hobby, something like playing a musical instrument, which might earn me effortless praise.
At that time, I hadn’t yet fallen into lethargy, so I immediately began learning an instrument. It was a keyboard instrument that produced sound when pressed. Since it was a simple instrument, it didn’t take long to learn a beginner piece. But no matter how much I practiced, the instrument didn’t feel natural to me. My enthusiasm didn’t last.
Perhaps it was just an excuse. Maybe I simply didn’t want to endure my own incompetence long enough to master the instrument.
Unlike me, who gave up halfway, Danel’s drawings filled the thick sketchbook and continued endlessly.
For an unimaginably long time, far beyond what I could fathom.
As soon as I arrived at Ancona Castle, I met Janna. Janna looked so plain that we didn’t need to meet in secret. Of course, it would be a different story if people knew that this woman was acting as a physician on behalf of her trembling father. For now, everyone Danel introduced thought of Janna as just another woman living in the castle.
“Have you decided yet?”
Janna asked as she watched the departing knight. It was a question I heard every time. Lately, she asked for it twice a day, probably because once the child in my womb grew further, it would be difficult to terminate with medication.
When I didn’t answer, Janna clicked her tongue. To others, she might have looked like a country woman dissatisfied with her wages.
“Soon, it’ll be noticeable on the outside as well. Personally, I hope you reconcile with your husband and take care of your health. No matter how careful you are, the first pregnancy is always risky.”
“Do I look like I fought with Danel?”
“Watching you two together, I can’t think of any diagnosis other than a lover’s quarrel.”
I let out a small laugh. I wasn’t particularly close to Janna, but I respected her judgment. If Janna said so, perhaps what I felt really was love.
It was fascinating. We didn’t trust each other at all, yet others perceived it as love.
I, on the other hand, had no idea what we were doing.
At that moment, a maid approached me. It seemed the lady of Ancona Castle was looking for me. I nodded to Janna in farewell and headed toward the farm.
In retrospect, the duties of a noblewoman were truly diverse. In a large estate like Ancona Castle, everything—choosing workers, deciding the types of crops to cultivate, processing them, and deciding what to produce—was up to the lady of the house. As the lord’s wife, I also had to decide where and how much of the produced goods to sell.
The only reason there hadn’t been any problems so far, despite my late involvement in external affairs, was simple: Danel had been handling everything alone.
That’s why I often felt guilty. My reason for taking on these duties wasn’t purely out of obligation. It was largely to find Petios and expand my influence.
Danel likely knew I had another motive. Yet, he handed me power and influence anyway. Because it’s what I wanted, and because he knew I was capable.
After realizing how long Danel had been watching me, I became certain of something I had only vaguely sensed before.
Danel loved every part of me that had been rejected by others. My ability with spears and bows, my horseback riding skills that rivaled most knights, even my dislike for reading—all of it.
And so, it was all ridiculous. That Danel, who loved me so deeply, would deceive me. And that I, who didn’t trust Danel at all, would feel such deep emotions for him.
There was a way to do what Janna suggested: confess everything to Danel, ask him directly, listen to his answer, and then share the news of my pregnancy so we could live happily together. But… Danel’s love for me…
