When That Door Opens - Chapter 38
“Then what are you going to do? If I’m shivering because I’m cold, will you light the stove? Do you see a stove around here?”
Despite putting on a brave front, I was scared.
What if he saw through my bluff? What if he started demanding to know why I was doing this crazy thing?
Or worse, what if he stopped before we even began? How would I ruin myself then? Who else could I turn to?
How could I ensure your freedom? Should I beg on my knees for you to accept my goodwill?
“Stop spouting nonsense and just continue what you were doing. Why are you just staring at me? Are you not confident that you can satisfy me?”
He narrowed his eyes as if trying to gauge my true intentions. I gripped the sheet as if I were about to tear it apart, holding his gaze with all the strength I could muster. After a moment, he sighed softly and looked away.
“Forgive me. It seems I was mistaken.”
With that, he seemed to decide not to concern himself with my condition any longer. I couldn’t blame him. How could anyone keep up with someone who acted as erratically as I did? He probably just wanted this moment to pass as quickly as possible, no matter what he did.
He approached me with even more caution than before. His warm lips gently enveloped mine. The unfamiliar sensation of his tongue slowly gliding along the inside of my mouth sent shivers down my spine. His soft flesh stimulated my still tongue. It would have been better to move my tongue to seem more experienced, but I gave up on that. I thought it better to remain passive than to reveal my inexperience through clumsy movements. I closed my eyes and relaxed my body.
Our kiss continued slowly. Perhaps because of this, despite it being my first time kissing someone and sharing saliva, it didn’t feel particularly unpleasant. In fact, his careful treatment made me feel better. It was almost as if his gentleness was erasing the memory of Roman roughly crushing my lips.
As his lips explored mine and the wet sound of our kiss filled the room, I found myself responding to his kiss more and more. Soon, his hand, which had been caressing my shoulder, grasped my bare b*****s. The unfamiliar yet oddly stimulating sensation of my soft br**st being squeezed like pudding almost made me lose my mind.
“…Haa.”
A moment later, his lips naturally parted from mine. Panting, I looked up at him. A peculiar warmth spread from where he had touched me, filling my body slowly but surely. I wanted to push away his hand that was caressing my chest, yet part of me craved more of his touch. I wanted to pull him closer, to feel more of him.
“…..”
He looked at me with an unfamiliar expression, different from the friendly one when he brought the handkerchief, the cold one when he endured my harsh words, or the angry one just before we entered this room. It was as if he was barely restraining something within himself.
An astonishing thought crossed my mind.
The kiss wasn’t just good for me; it seemed he enjoyed it too. A pleasant feeling of elation filled my belly.
“Do it again.”
“…..”
“Come on, do it again.”
At my words, a spark of desire ignited in his blue eyes. Was it possible that he, too, had been enchanted by our kiss? I reached out to him as if in a trance. He flinched but didn’t avoid my hand. I smoothed a strand of his wheat-colored hair that had fallen over his forehead. The silky texture brought a slight smile to my lips.
“It wasn’t bad. In fact… it was good.”
“Lady Astel…”
“Your lips were so soft. I felt cherished, and I liked that. I think I won’t be able to forget it.”
If I were in my right mind, I would never have said such things. But right now, I wasn’t myself. Boldly, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.
“Come here. I want to hold you.”
Was I lonely? Perhaps I was. Even knowing his kiss was devoid of genuine feeling, the gentleness he showed made my heart waver.
I naturally drew him closer to me. He seemed to resist slightly, but ultimately, he yielded to my pull. Before we knew it, we were pressed tightly together, without any gap between us. He exhaled the breath he had been holding. I closed my eyes, savoring the solid warmth against me.
The warmth of a person was truly a strange thing. Just the mere touch calmed the waves of my troubled heart.
“I’m sorry.”
In the end, it made me spill out my true feelings.
“I was really wrong then. I took out my anger on you for no reason. I said things I shouldn’t have. I should never have said those things… I hurt you. I’m really sorry.”
I rambled out my apology, still holding him tightly. He remained silent for a long time. I didn’t mind much.
The apology wasn’t meant to be forgiven. I just hoped that, someday, the wounds I had inflicted might begin to heal a little.
